


Epiphany

by restaurantcrayons



Category: A Goofy Movie (1995), Animaniacs
Genre: Angst, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, M/M, Meet-Cute, Mutual Pining, Queer Themes, Slow Burn, Weddings
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-01-09
Updated: 2021-02-14
Packaged: 2021-03-13 14:49:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 11
Words: 26,002
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28655247
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/restaurantcrayons/pseuds/restaurantcrayons
Summary: At the wedding of Minerva Mink and Beret Girl, 21-year-old Yakko meets Max Goof and almost instantly feels confused and conflicted about his emotions regarding the toon. Yakko struggles with and confronts his bisexuality, as well as his anxieties regarding the fact that his younger siblings are growing up and his trauma surrounding his upbringing. Together, Max and Yakko help each other to see the world in a whole new way, each making a striking realization about the lives that they lead.
Relationships: Dot Warner & Wakko Warner & Yakko Warner, Max Goof/Yakko Warner
Comments: 144
Kudos: 209





	1. Wedding Ushers

**Author's Note:**

> This is the first fic I've ever posted on AO3 and I'm excited and also open to critique and suggestions!!  
> In this fic, the characters are a little bit older than they are in the source material. Yakko is 21, Wakko is 18, Dot is 17, Max is 22, Minerva is 26, and Beret Girl is 24.  
> TW// brief mention of alcohol/drunkenness

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Warners attend a wedding and Yakko meets a very special usher.

“Has anyone seen my formal snapback?” Wakko cried out to his siblings from the east end of the water tower.

Dot poked her head out from behind the room divider. “Did you check your gag bag?”

“That was the first place I looked!”

“I think I know where it is,” Yakko said as he removed his sibling’s red cap, revealing an identical one underneath.

“Aha!” Wakko exclaimed with a tongue-out grin.

Yakko reached up to tie his sibling’s bowtie, which was identical to his own; even though Wakko was now the tallest Warner, he still needed help from the oldest. “Hurry it up, Dot,” Yakko called out, “We have to get to Minerva’s wedding early, you’re part of the bridal party!”

Dot emerged from her trifold in her stunning pink bridesmaid gown. “Thanks for the exposition, Mister Synopsis,” the seventeen-year-old snarkily retorted, “Can someone zip me up? I can’t reach.”

Yakko finished up tying up his sibling’s tie and shuffled over to help his sister with her zipper. After she was all zipped up, Dot twirled around to show off the sequins on her dress. “Wow, Dot! You look like a glazed ham!” Wakko said.

“A  _ fabulous _ glazed ham,” corrected Dot as she posed dramatically.

Yakko couldn’t help but realize how his baby-faced sister was becoming less and less of a baby every day. As she spun around the living room in her sparkly gown, he grinned, reminiscing about when she used to spin around the same way in her pink skirt years ago.

Dot noticed her brother’s nostalgic smile. “What?” she asked.

“Nothing,” he sighed, “It’s just that my wittle baby sister is all grown up.”

Dot rolled her eyes. “Yakko Warner Shut The Fuck Up Challenge,” she quipped.

“Dot Warner Be Nice To Your Brother Or You Don’t Get To Ride In My Fucking Car Challenge,” Yakko snapped back, ready to engage in some lighthearted banter. 

“Oh no! I can’t ride in your ugly-ass station wagon? The horror. How will I live on?”

“With very sore feet.”

“Hey, what about me? Do I look all grown up?” Wakko asked.

“No,” Yakko and Dot deadpanned in unison.

The trio finally made their way out of the water tower and piled into Yakko’s ugly-ass station wagon to drive to the banquet hall where the wedding was to take place.

***

Minerva’s bridesmaids consisted of her close circle of friends she referred to as “the girlies”: Hello Nurse, Babs and Lola Bunny, Pinky, and Dot. Yakko and Wakko weren’t as close to Minerva as their sister, but they happily accepted their role as ushers.

Her fiancée was a Disney toon whom she met in an art class her final year of college, something that initially caused concern among her circle of friends. It was fairly uncommon for toons to date outside of their company, but when Minerva’s girlies saw how happy the Disney toon made Minerva, all preconceived notions were dropped and the pair were engaged a year later. The Disney toon, officially named Beret Girl but affectionately called “Rey” for short, was getting ready for the wedding at home while Minerva prepared in a dressing room attached to the hall.

As the Warners approached the venue, they were greeted by an usher who arrived earlier, a Disney toon with floppy ears and buck teeth who looked to be around Yakko’s age, if not a tad older. “You must be the Warners,” he said.

“Correct you are, my friend!” the eldest responded, “I’m Yakko.”

“I’m Wakko!” 

“And I’m here to outshine one of my closest friends on the best day of her life!” 

“Get in here, I missed you, bitch!” Minerva called from inside the banquet hall, recognizing Dot’s voice at the front entrance, “You’re the only one who knows how to attach this goddamn veil to my head!”

“I’m on it!” the youngest Warner yelled back as she ran past the usher and to the bride, ignoring the proper etiquette.

“I’m Max,” the usher introduced himself to the two remaining Warner siblings, “Rey and Minerva put me in charge of delegating the rest of the ushers and, uhh--”

“And you have no idea what you’re doing?” Yakko guessed.

“Correct you are, my friend,” Max said with a small chuckle.

Yakko didn’t know what it was about Max that made him want to get to know him, to be his best friend. He never found himself feeling that way about people immediately after meeting them, and yet here he was, making a mental note to get this guy’s number and make plans to hang out.  _ Strange _ , he thought to himself. “I can help, if you want. Are any other ushers here yet?”

“Nope, we’re the first ones!”

“Alright, I can stay here and man the doors with Max, and Wakko, you go figure out where the programs are and hand them out when guests start coming through. Sound good?”

“Works for me,” said Max.

“On it!” Wakko said with a salute, running off to find the programs.

Yakko leaned against the door opposite of Max’s. “So Maxy-- is it okay if I call you Maxy? I’m calling you Maxy-- how do you and Rey know each other?”

“We met in college,” Max responded, “I was a freshman when she was a junior. She was doing one of those artsy poetry slam things in a coffee shop my buddies and I happened to be at on our skating route. She actually dated my friend, PJ, for a while before she came out and they’re still basically best friends.”

“You skate?”

Max perked up. “Yeah! Since I was a kid!”

“That’s pretty nifty. Wakko and Dot skateboard, but I never learned.”

_ Why the hell did I just lie about not knowing how to skateboard?  _ Yakko thought to himself,  _ That came out of nowhere. _

“Aw, shucks,” Max said, “My friends and I could teach you if you ever wanted. It’s pretty easy once you get the hang of it.”

“Yeah, that sounds like fun!” exclaimed Yakko with more enthusiasm than he intended.

As the two continued talking, they became so wrapped up in their conversation that they didn’t notice the other ushers waiting outside for them to open the double doors until they knocked on the glass. “Oh, sorry, guys!” Max apologized as he opened the door, “Come on in!”

“You’re lookin’ sharp, Max!” said the bigger of the two new ushers.

“Aww, you flatter me, Peej,” he responded with a hint of sarcasm, “So are you guys.”

The smaller of the two ushers gestured toward Yakko. “And who is this guy?”

“Oh, this is Yakko Warner. He’s one of the other ushers.”

For reasons that were beyond him, Yakko felt butterflies in his stomach when Max said his name. He held out his hands to greet the other ushers with a handshake, “And who might you be?”

“The name’s Bobby Zimuruski,” the smaller answered with an extreme emphasis on the last syllable.

“And I’m PJ, pleasure to meet you, Yakko.”

“Alright, so what’s the dealio with this whole ushering gig?” Bobby asked Max.

“Well, I thought two of us could man the doors when the guests arrive, one of us could stay outside and direct parking, and the other two could escort guests to their seats and hand out programs. I think Wakko has the programs covered though, right?” he turned to Yakko.

“Yup, and me and Max have got the doors.”

“Actually, would it be okay if I had door duty with Max?” PJ asked.

“Oh, uhhh, sure! No problem,” Yakko said, trying to mask his disappointment, “I can escort guests.”

“Guess that leaves me with parking! Beep beep, motherfuckers,” Bobby said, again drawing out the last syllable for an extraordinarily long time. 

Suddenly, Wakko came sprinting toward the double doors.

“Yakko! I accidentally ate all the programs!” he called out to his brother, voice filled with despair.

“Did he say  _ accidentally _ ?” PJ asked.

Yakko facepalmed. “Wakko, I thought we talked about this,” he sighed, walking away from the other ushers and toward his sibling, “Come on, let’s go see if we can figure something out.”

He accompanied his sibling to the bridal dressing room, knocking before the door was opened to them by the bridesmouse. “Oh, Yakko and Wakko! The two of you look so fetching! Come on in! NARF!” Pinky declared.

The room was full of toons dressed in gorgeous pink gowns adding the final touches to their hair and makeup as well as assisting Minerva with hers. “Helloooooo, bridal party nurses!” the usher pair said in unison, announcing their presence.

“Hey! My two favorite ushers!” greeted Minerva.

“What brings you guys here?” asked Babs as she applied mascara to the bride.

“Yeah,” Dot said, blow dryer in hand, “Don't you have usher-y things to do?”

Yakko looked at his sibling. “You wanna tell them, Wak?” 

“I ate all the programs,” Wakko proclaimed, ashamed of himself.

The room fell silent. “You what?” asked Lola.

“No, don’t worry,” said maid of honor, Hello Nurse, “I thought this might happen.”

She pulled out a cardboard box full of extra programs. Wakko jumped up and thanked her before running off with the box. Hello Nurse leaned in to whisper to Yakko, “If those ones get eaten too, there’s a third box in my car.”

***

Soon, the guests began to arrive. Both Disney and WB toons-- and the few odd Muppets-- filled the seats on both sides of the aisle. As Wakko passed out programs, Yakko seated guests. “Glad to see the mysterious formal event hair is making an appearance today!” Yakko exclaimed to Dr. Scratchansniff as he escorted him to an open seat.

The doctor grumbled in annoyance and mild embarrassment. “Hey, you know I’m just yankin’ your chain! Ya look real spiffy, Scratchy!” Yakko clarified, deciding against goofing with his favorite psychiatrist on such a special day.

The ceremony began right on time. As the bridal party walked down the aisle, Dot treated it like a runway, strutting down with her head held up high and pausing to strike a pose. Minerva’s dress was extravagant with a full train and bejewelled bodice, while her future wife’s was sleek and elegant. Rey wore her beret in place of a veil, a choice most everyone could have predicted.

Yakko didn’t pay much attention to the ceremony; he was busy escorting late guests to their seats and making silly faces with Wakko when no one was watching. “I now pronounce you wife and wife!” he heard the officiant say as Wakko made a gookie face in his direction. The newlyweds kissed, and the guests erupted in applause. 

At the reception, the Warners were dispersed throughout the party. Wakko was in close proximity to the buffet table and planned on staying there for the remainder of the night, Dot was posing for pictures and conversing with the girlies, and Yakko was striking up conversations with toons left and right, making some quips and witty remarks whenever he could. While conversing with old pals Bugs Bunny and Slappy Squirrel, Yakko looked across the hall and his eyes fell upon Max, who was standing just outside the door, all by himself. He felt inexplicably drawn to the Disney toon, and excused himself from the conversation.

“Maxy!” Yakko called as he approached him.

Max quickly turned his head toward the toon upon hearing his name. “Hey, how’s it goin’?” 

“Not bad, yourself?”

“Oh I’m having a blast.”

“Ah yes, standing in a corner and staring off into the distance is one of my favorite pastimes too,” Yakko couldn’t hold back a sarcastic remark to save his life, and he thought himself to be rather charming because of it. 

“Believe me, I’d rather be out there dancing right now,” said Max, “But I promised Rey that I’d keep an eye on things and make sure things stayed in order at the reception.”

“You could keep an eye on things from the dance floor, couldn’t ya?”

“Do you really think I could watch that group of guys who are obviously intending to get plastered  _ and  _ that table of kids that for some god-forsaken reason has multiple lit candles while _ also  _ busting some wicked moves?”

“Well not with that attitude!”

Max giggled with a quiet  _ hyuck _ , which made Yakko smile. He wanted to make Max laugh, he realized, much more than he usually wanted to make people laugh. 

“So how’d you get stuck with this job?” he queried. 

“Well, I’m kind of in that sweet spot of being someone Rey  _ trusts  _ but isn’t particularly close enough to for her to feel bad about missing the party,” explained Max.

“What an honor it must be to hold such a prestigious position.”

“I know, right?” Max snickered again.

Yakko beamed upon hearing him laugh. He could feel his cheeks get red. For some reason, he couldn’t find any more words to say. He was the one who yaks, and yet here he stood, yakless. The pair stood in silence for a moment.

Feeling awkward about the lack of conversation, Yakko stared at his feet, unsure if he should leave Max alone at his post and return to the party or stick around and continue his feet-staring. Suddenly, a loud, fast beat started playing. “Oh shit, this is my jam,” declared Max.

Yakko smirked and looked up. “Your  _ jam _ ?” 

“Yes, my jam! I was the biggest Powerline fan in high school!”

“Powerline?”

“Shut up. You’ve  _ never _ heard of Powerline?”

“Nope!”

“You’re missing out, man. I listened to this song every day for like, three years!”

Seeing Max light up about this song made Yakko feel that strange way about him, that way that he didn’t quite understand.

“Tell ya what, Maxy, I think you should neglect your duties and get out on the dance floor!”

“I wish, but I said I would--”

“It’s one song! And has  _ anyone _ needed your usher-ly assistance yet? It’ll be fine!”

“Well-”

“Oh, c’mon! Have some fun!”

“You know what? You’re right! Let’s go!”

The two ran full speed to the dance floor, which was already occupied by about thirty other folks, all jumping to the beat of Powerline’s  _ Stand Out.  _ Max took off his suit coat and tossed it on a chair near the speakers before making his way right to the center of the crowd, Yakko trailing in close pursuit. “ _ Stand out! Above the crowd! _ ” Max sang along as loud as he could.

Yakko didn’t know the words to the song, but that didn’t stop him from dancing along with his new pal. It wasn’t long before the two realized that they were in the middle of a dance circle, right at the energetic break down of the song. “ _ If I could make you stop and take a look at me instead of just walkin’ by _ ,” the speakers rang as Max did an impromptu breakdance, inciting a cheer from the crowd before pointing at Yakko.

Yakko began to perform some kind of Charleston-esque move as the song built up until the circle dissolved for the final chorus. Yakko and Max continued dancing chaotically, jumping up and down and pumping their fists into the air. Max grabbed Yakko’s hands and they continued dancing energetically until the song ended. “Alright folks!” announced the DJ, addressing the crowd, “Now it’s time to slow it down for the final song of the night! You’ve all been great, goodnight!”

A slow, romantic song started to play through the speakers. Yakko finally caught his breath and realized that he was still holding tightly onto Max’s hands. The two shared a glance, and Yakko felt his stomach drop and his head spin.  _ Is he getting closer, or am I just dizzy?  _ Yakko thought, before finally having the epiphany,  _ Oh no. Do I wanna kiss him? Fuck. I wanna kiss him. What the fuck. What the fuck. What the fuck. What the fu- _

“I uhhhh, I need to use the restroom,” Yakko said frantically, unlocking his hands from Max’s grip and pushing his way off of the crowded dance floor.

Yakko burst through the men’s room door and splashed his face with water at the sink. He stared at his reflection, noting how unflatteringly the fluorescent lighting presented his distraught expression. He felt like he was going to throw up.  _ What the fuck is going on with my head tonight?  _

He untied his tie and unbuttoned the top buttons of his dress shirt before pulling out his phone to text Dot.

Hey, can you ask Hello Nurse if it’s ok for us

to head out early? I’m not feeling well.

omg are u drunk

No I didn’t even drink tonight, I just feel like 

shit can you just ask Hello Nurse if she 

needs us to do anything else before we

leave?

lmao 

Wtf does that mean?

Can you please just ask her?

Dot

Dot

Dot

Dottie

she said its fine if we go

i found wakko where tf are u 

Just now leaving the bathroom.

You wanna drive home?

lmao i knew it ur drunk as fuck

but yea i can drive

Fuck you. All I’ve had tonight is plain 

la croix I’m not drunk.

ok sure whatever u say

were in the car wya

I’ll meet you guys outside.

Thanks sis.

yuh

“Hey, thanks for driving,” Yakko told his sister as he entered the passenger side of the ugly-ass station wagon.

“No problem,” she responded, “How are you feeling?”

“Not great.”

Wakko joined the conversation from the back seat. “What’s wrong?” 

“He’s drunk,” responded Dot.

“For the last time, I’m not drunk. I think the music was just too loud for me.”

“How many fingers am I holding up?” interrogated Wakko, forcing himself into the front seat to stick his hand in his brother’s face.

Dot sighed. “No, Wakko, that’s for when you think he’s concussed. Yakko do you smell burnt toast?”

“No!” Yakko said in a frustrated tone, “And you smell burnt toast when you’re having a stroke, not when you’re drunk!”

“Ooh looks like  _ someone  _ is the expert on being drunk,” teased Wakko.

“Yeah! Sing us an educational song about it so we can all learn!” Dot chimed in.

“Can we please just go home? I’m not really in the mood for siblingly banter,” Yakko said, adjusting his seat all the way back to lie down, “I’m sorry.”

Dot backed out of the parking space and began their journey back to the water tower. “Damn, guess you actually are sick. You got any aspirin in the gag bag, Wakko?”

“I’ve got tylenol and one of those tabs that make food taste weird.”

Yakko held out his hand to the back seat. “I’ll take the tylenol.”

***

Back at the water tower, the Warners unwound and got into pajamas after their eventful day. Yakko lay in his ball pit, unable to fall asleep. Suddenly, he heard his sibling’s Liverpudlian voice. “Hey, Yakko, you still awake?”

The eldest Warner emerged from his ball pit. “No.”

Wakko held out a mug. “I made you some tea.”

“Aw, gee, you didn’t have to do that,” Yakko said, accepting the mug, “Thank you.”

“No problem,” Wakko smiled with his tongue out, “I saw you made friends with that Max. He seemed nice.”

“Ya think so?” Yakko asked, taking a sip of his tea, “Also did you tear open the tea bag and  _ pour  _ it into the water?”

Wakko responded, perplexed, “Yeah? How else would you make tea?”

“Oh, Wakko,” said the eldest with an exasperated sigh, “Middle Kid Syndrome strikes again. You’re supposed to dunk the bag in the water so that you don’t get all the floaty herb bits.”

“But the pulp is the best part!”

Yakko laughed. 

“But yeah, Max seems cool,” Wakko said.

“He does.”

“Are you gonna invite him over someday?”

Yakko paused for a moment. “Maybe.”

“Me and Dot were talking about how we’ve never really seen you make friends with-- or even really talk to-- someone your age before,” Wakko explained, “She said it might be good for you.”

Yakko took a sip of his pulpy tea. “Interesting.”

“You’re not very yakky tonight, huh?”

“I’m just in a weird mood, that’s all.”

“Well, I’m goin’ to bed cause I’m all pooped from partying,” Wakko declared, already climbing into his hammock.

“I’ve got an appointment with Scratchy in the morning, so apologies if I wake you up early.”

“I’ll forgive you if you bring home donuts.”

“Sounds like a deal. Goodnight.”

“Night!”

Long after their conversation ended, Yakko remained wide awake, tossing and turning in his ball pit. He was caught between intervals. 

One moment, he was freaking out about not understanding--not controlling-- his emotions, feeling lost and helpless and confused. Of course he’d be fine if he was bi,  _ right _ ? He certainly knew he wouldn’t get much hate from the people he cares about most, they just came home from a wedding with two brides, after all! He could only assume that this turmoil he felt was internal, a struggle to comprehend his own feelings and to accept them as his own. He didn’t want these feelings. He wanted to reject them and never face them again.

The next moment, he forgot the strife, the confrontation with himself, the terror he felt from the prospect of not knowing his own person. It all left him briefly, with only the fantasy and sweetness that comes from having a crush. He kept replaying the moment Max felt mere inches away from his face, imagining what it would have felt like if he had given in to his instincts and kissed him. Disregarding consequences, disregarding the world around him, disregarding whatever would have happened afterward. These moments where his mind allowed him the unadulterated bliss of infatuation almost made it worth the absolute hell that was the anxiety that accompanied it. Before drifting off to sleep, Yakko had one final thought:  _ Shit. I didn’t get his number _ .

  
  



	2. Therapy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Yakko goes to his standing appointment with Dr. Scratchansniff and reveals something to him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you enjoy this rather short chapter! Once again, I'm always open to critique and suggestions as this is my first fic!

Yakko woke up in the morning and stretched, cracking the stiff joints in his body. “Why does your body sound like a goddamn bowl of rice krispies?” Dot asked her brother, “Dee-sgusting!”

Yakko was surprised his sister was already awake. “Well good morning to you too, you absolute ray of sunshine,” he said with a yawn, “Why are you up?”

“Babs is coming to pick me up to go rollerskating.”

He made a puzzled expression. “First of all, rollerskating at  _ eight in the morning _ ? And second, aren’t you worn out from yesterday?”

“I’m young,” she said, “I don’t get tired and my bones aren’t loud.”

“Those are strong words coming from someone who doesn’t know how to make French toast.”

“What does that have to do with anything?”

“Nothing, I just want French toast.”

Yakko crawled out of his “bed”, sending a few plastic balls bouncing out of the pit, and walked to the kitchen. He beat together an egg, some vanilla, and cinnamon and started dipping slices of bread in the mixture to cook. “Can I have some, too?” Dot asked.

“No,” he said, already preparing her a few slices. 

Dot looked through the cupboards. “You want powdered sugar or syrup?” 

“It’s a “both” kinda day.”

“Agreed.”

Yakko flipped over the first cooked slice onto a plate. “Fun history fact,” he said, “French toast doesn’t actually come from France; it’s only called French toast because it was popularized in 1724 by a man named Joseph French who was an innkeeper from New York. However, we have evidence that suggests that the dish was initially--”

Dot shushed her brother. “It’s too early in the morning for this.”

“Yeesh, alright,” he said, flipping another piece. 

Dot got out some forks and plates and poured two glasses of orange juice. “Let’s talk about  _ Max _ ,” she said.

Yakko felt the blood drain from his face. “What about him?”

“Nothing,” she said, “I just think it’s good for you to finally get to know someone who isn’t your little sibling or P-sychiatrist.”

“What do you mean? I get to know lots of people. I’m  _ friends  _ with lots of people.”

“Yeah, but like, you were  _ engrossed  _ in that conversation with Max last night. And the dancing and everything?”

Yakko plated the French toast and sat down at the table with his sister, hoping that the food would steer the conversation in a different direction.

He took a long sip of his orange juice. “Did you know that French toast might have existed as early as the 5th century, AD in the Roman Empire?”

Dot glared at him. “Yakko,” she said, “I won’t make assumptions, but I hope you know that you can tell me anything.”

“I know,” Yakko said solemnly, taking a beat as he scraped his fork against the plate, “I do have something I need to tell you.”

“Yeah?”

Yakko took a deep breath and exhaled slowly. “The Romans called it Pan Dulcis and it was made by dipping old bread in--”

“Nevermind, I’m done talking to you.” 

Dot stood up and took her plate to the sink. “Don’t dump your plate, Wakko likes the scraps,” Yakko reminded her.

“I know, I know, I wasn’t going to.”

“And about Max,” Yakko finally addressed the topic his sister clearly wanted  _ some _ kind of answer about, “I didn’t get his number, so I’m pretty sure the getting-to-knowing ended last night.”

“I could get it for you, if you wanted. I can text Minerva and she can send me his contact.”

Yakko paused for a moment. His initial thought was in absolute celebration and excitement. How hadn’t he thought before about how easy it would be to get his number? But then, he considered the consequences. It seemed a little weird to ask for someone’s number through an entire chain of people. What would they all think? What would  _ Max  _ think? He also thought about how much he didn’t want Dot to have Max’s number. He didn’t know why, but his instincts told him that was a recipe for disaster. “That’s okay,” he finally answered, “You don’t have to do that.”

Suddenly, a car beeped from outside. “That’s Babs!” Dot said, rushing to the door with her skates, “I’ll text you when we get there and when we’re on our way home!”

“Alright, have fun and stay safe!”

As Dot made her way out, Wakko woke up. “FRENCH TOAST SCRAPS! FUCK YEAH!” he exclaimed upon entering the kitchen.

Yakko went back to the kitchen as well to converse with his sibling. “Enjoying your scraps?”

“Yup!” he declared between bites, “It’s like the ghost of a meal I didn’t have!”

The eldest smiled. He loved Wakko-isms. “Y’know, sib, I could always make you fresh, cootie-free French toast, right?”

“Yeah I know, but then I’d have to hear the history of French toast again.”

Yakko audibly sighed, “It’s a fascinating story! I don’t know why you guys don’t appreciate it!”

“I bet  _ Max  _ would appreciate it,” Wakko said with a sly grin.

“That’s the other thing! What is it with you guys and this whole Max thing? I talk to some random guy at a wedding and all of a sudden it’s a hot topic in the Warner household? What the hell are the implications?”

Wakko shrugged and popped another French toast scrap in his mouth. Yakko checked his watch. “Shit, I’m gonna be late for my Scratchy visit,” he said as he ran for the door, “Don’t burn the tower down while I’m gone! And don’t worry, I won’t forget the donuts!”

“Thanks! Tell Scratchy I said hi!”

***

Even though Otto Scratchansniff still took the Warners on outings and chatted with them frequently outside of the office, each sibling had a standing appointment with the doctor, Yakko’s being the most frequent. His siblings went to see him monthly, but he still visited their favorite P-sychiatrist on a weekly basis. While Wakko and Dot’s visits were mostly check-ins to make sure everything was on the up and up, Yakko’s sessions were intense, more often than not. Being the eldest sibling who was forced to step up and become a caretaker while being abused by the very industry that created him certainly did a number on his psyche, and he had come to confide in Scratchy more than anyone else when working through his trauma and anxieties.

“Hellooooo, nurse!” Yakko greeted as he entered the waiting room of Scratchansniff’s practice; although he had grown out of hopping into Hello Nurse’s arms and giving her a kiss, he still never failed to give her the proper salutation. “I’m here for my appointment with Scratchy.”

She looked up from her computer and smiled at him. “You can head on in, he’s already waiting for you in his office.”

“Thanks!” he said as he grabbed a piece of candy from the bowl on her desk and headed down the hall, the standard weekly routine.

“Good morning, Yakko,” said Dr. Scratchansniff as Yakko entered the room.

He plopped down on the couch across from the doctor and pulled out his trusty paddleball from his hammerspace. Scratchansniff noticed a long time ago that Yakko felt more comfortable talking about his emotions when he had something to do with his hands, and so he gifted him the paddleball. Yakko has used it every session since. “Mornin’ Scratchy.”

“How are you feeling today?”

“I’m okay, pretty tired from yesterday.”

“Ja, zat vas some party! You did an excellent job ushering.”

“Thanks, doc.”

Scratchansniff shifted in his seat. “Is zere anyzing in particular you’d like to discuss today? How has your veek been?”

He paused before answering, “It’s been going pretty well, actually.”

The doctor knew that when Yakko chose to be vague, something was troubling him that he didn’t know how to discuss. He decided to change to bring up another subject, hoping that it would ease the toon into discussing whatever was on his mind later in the session. “How are Wakko and Dot?”

“They’re doing good,” he answered, “Dot’s growing up so fast, Scratchy, it’s crazy. When I saw her after she got all dressed up for the wedding yesterday, she barely looked like a kid anymore. It’s kinda funny though, cause even though Wakko’s way taller than me now, at least he still  _ feels  _ like a kid to me, but with Dot, it’s like she’s  _ really  _ growing up.”

“You say zat like it’s troubling you, Yakko. How do you feel about it?”

Yakko sank into the couch and switched his paddleball to his other hand. “I dunno,” he said solemnly, “She’s starting to remind me of myself.”

“In vhat vay?”

“She’s a smartass. More so than she used to be.”

“Care to elaborate?”

“It’s like, she  _ always  _ knows what’s going on, and she has something clever to say about it. And what bothers me is that she always knows what’s going on with  _ me  _ in my  _ brain. _ And I don’t want her to,” he continued after a pause, “And I don’t know if it’s for her sake or mine.”

Scratchansniff sat back in his seat and crossed his legs. “Could you be scared of her empathizing vith your mental and emotional issues? Maybe you’re afraid of her adopting ze problems you face, and you vant to protect her from zat.”

“That is absolutely correct!” Yakko announced as a game show set dropped from the ceiling, the doctor now standing at a podium instead of sitting in an armchair, “Let’s see what you’ve won!”

“Yakko, you need to stop making zis joke every time you don’t vant to confront your problems.”

The buzzers and game show music roared and confetti fell from the ceiling. “Wow! Correct again! You’re on a roll!”

“Nein! Stop zis!”

Suddenly, they were back in the office. “Sorry,” Yakko muttered sheepishly.

“Vas zere something in particular zhat made you bring zis up today?”

“I guess you could say that. I made a uhhh, friend. At the wedding yesterday. And Dot’s giving me a bit of a hard time about it. Her  _ and  _ Wakko are, but I know she’s the one who figured me out.”

Scratchansniff could tell that Yakko wasn’t revealing the whole story, and inferred that this was what was on his mind at the beginning of the session. “Tell me about your friend.”

Yakko looked up at the popcorn ceiling. “His name is Max. He was one of the other ushers,” he paused and looked around the room, avoiding eye contact with the doctor, “He skateboards.”

“Oh! He must be ze one you were dancing vith last night!”

Yakko blushed and continued paddleballing. “Yup.”

“Vhat did you mean vhen you said Dot vas giving you a hard time?”

“The hard time is that she knows exactly how I feel and I don’t want her to. And she doesn’t even have the decency to just make fun of me for it either,  _ no _ ! She has to be all  _ “Yakko I’m here for you and you can tell me anything!”  _ and I just don’t know how to deal with it.”

“Could it be possible zat as ze caretaker of your siblings for decades, you feel zat being vulnerable around zem is wrong?”

“I don’t think it’s that. I’ve been vulnerable around them before. I’ve been an emotional  _ wreck  _ around them before. This is just,” he stopped himself before continuing, “This is just different.”

“Vould you be comfortable sharing vith me how you feel about Max? Vhat exactly did Dot figure out?”

Yakko stopped paddleballing and looked down at his feet. “I think I might, uhhh, y’know,” he didn’t know exactly how to-- or even if he  _ wanted _ to-- tell the doctor, but he continued, “ _ like  _ him, like him?”

Scratchansniff looked less surprised than Yakko expected. He asked the age-old psychiatrist question: “How does zat make you feel?”

“Scared. Scratchy he’s a  _ guy _ . I feel like I don’t know myself. I swear to god I was straight before yesterda-- no, that’s not completely true. But it just felt like something I could at least put on the backburner. Now all these emotions are right here, in the front of my brain!” Yakko grabbed his head with both hands and threw himself all the way back on the couch until he was practically laying down.

The doctor stood up from his chair and took a seat next to Yakko on the couch, placing a comforting hand on his shoulder. “Yakko, I’ve known you for a very long time. I can say vith confidence zat vhen and if you decide to come out, your family vill support you, your friends too.  _ I  _ vill support you.”

“That’s nice, Scratchy but it’s not really about that,” Yakko said, voice cracking as he tried as hard as he could to stop himself from crying, “It’s about how I see myself.”

The doctor stopped and thought for a moment. “You know who I zink might have a more relevant and helpful perspective on zis?”

“Who?”

“Hello Nurse.”

***

After their session ended, Yakko figured he had cried several weeks worth of tears. He headed back to the waiting room and stopped at Hello Nurse’s desk. “Same time next week?” she asked as she speedily typed on her keyboard.

“Yeah,” answered Yakko, “and could I ask you something?”

She looked up from her computer and stopped typing. “Sure! What’s up?”

“Got any plans for lunch today? Wanna go out?”

“I’m gay and you’re a child,” she said, going back to typing.

“Yeah, uhhh, it’s actually about that. The first part. Of what you said.”

“Oh?” she stopped typing again, “Everything okay?”

“Not at all.”

“My lunch is at 11:30. Tacos sound good?”

_ Not the time for a dirty joke. Not the time for a dirty joke. Not the time for a dirty joke.  _ “Yeah, sounds great!”

“Alright! See you then.”

“Thanks, Helloise.”

Yakko exited the practice and walked back to his ugly-ass station wagon. He sat in the driver’s seat and got out his phone to check and see if he missed anything during his appointment. He couldn’t believe his eyes when he opened a text from a number that wasn’t in his contacts.

hey! it’s max from last night, i ran into your 

sister at the skate park and she gave me

your # 

  
  



	3. "Maxy"

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Yakko realizes that his siblings may know more than he thought they did regarding him and Max, as well as a few tricks up their sleeves.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello! I just started a new semester at school so I won't have as much time to write and edit, but I'm planning on posting a new chapter at least once a week. This chapter is short and not much happens, but I promise the next few will be longer and will get a little more in-depth! I hope you like it!

Yakko calmly placed his phone face-down on the center console and took a deep breath. He then proceeded to violently fist-pump into the air in celebration, accidentally honking the horn in the process. He picked his phone back up. He typed and deleted, retyped and deleted that, and then sat for several moments to really think about what he wanted to text back. 

Hiya, Maxy! How’s it goin’? :)

He felt good about his simple message, and so he put his phone back in his pocket and drove the ugly-ass station wagon out of the parking lot and headed toward the hippie dippie donut shop that his sibling loved so much.  _ Why’d I say “goin’” instead of “going”? That’s a lot of punctuation, I bet he’ll think I’m high maintenance,  _ he thought as he stopped for a red light,  _ And was the smiley face too much? Do people still use emoticons? _

He finally pulled up to the donut shop and put the car in park.  _ Who the fuck says “hiya” in a text? Who the fuck says “hiya” ANYWHERE? Do I say “hiya”? I think I do. Do I? _

Yakko checked his phone for a reply, which there wasn’t. There was, however, a text from Dot:

( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡° )

He decided to ignore it, and proceeded inside the building to place an order of an assortment of a dozen donuts for him and his siblings, and a small black iced coffee with one pump of watermelon flavoring for himself. He continued to think about the five word text after paying the barista.  _ Should I have called him “Maxy'' or was that a little personal for the context in which we know each other? I should have just stuck with “Max”. “Maxy” is too familiar, and it’s gonna drive him away--  _ his rambling mind was interrupted by the barista, “Can I get a name for the order?”

“Maxy,” he answered before realizing what he just said.

Yakko turned beet red and patiently waited for his order, dying to just get out of the donut shop before he embarrassed himself again. If there was one thing Max could do that no one else could, even when he wasn’t even  _ there _ , it was shutting Yakko up. 

“Order for Maxy,” the barista called, placing the box of donuts and the watermelon iced coffee on the pick-up counter.

“Thanks, pal,” Yakko said as he grabbed his items and shuffled out the door and back into the ugly-ass station wagon. As if by reflex, he pulled out his phone. He wasn’t sure what he was hoping for as the screen brightened, but his heart started pounding out of his chest when he saw two new notifications from Max.

pretty good! just got finished skating with

the guys and on my way home in a sec.

you? 

also i hope it’s not too weird that dot 

gave me your number. she offered,

and i was kinda hoping to stay in 

touch with you anyway haha

Yakko’s initial reaction upon reading the new messages was debating with himself over whether he should be angry with Dot or not. This thought was quickly overlooked, however, when he realized that  _ Max wanted to stay in touch _ . He grinned and thought about how he wanted to respond, this time with less anxiety over his words.

I’m good too! Stopped off to get donuts 

for the sibs

And it’s not weird at all! 

I actually meant to ask you for yours

last night so I’m glad she overstepped 

her boundaries and gave my number

to a practical stranger. I raised her well.

Content with the messages, he took a sip of his watermelon iced coffee, buckled the donuts into the passenger’s seat, and drove back to the water tower. “I brought the goods!” Yakko said upon entering their home.

“YES!” Wakko cried out upon hearing the news, sprinting full-speed to the front door.

Yakko carried the donuts to the kitchen table which was already occupied by Dot, who wore a smug expression on her face as he entered. The Warners had a very particular donut ritual. Yakko would bring home a box and place it on the table. Dot would open the box and pick one, Yakko would do the same, and then Wakko would devour the remaining ten faster than his siblings could take two bites. Then, they would stick around at the table and chat until long after the donuts were gone. “How was therapy?” Dot asked her brother as she took a bite of her chocolate cruller.

Yakko licked the strawberry frosting off of his finger. “I only made Scratchy die inside once, so it could’ve been better. Not bad, though.”

“I love making his life just a little bit hellish,” Wakko added.

Dot nodded in agreement. “It’s how we show him we love him.”

“How’s your day goin’ so far, Wakko?” Yakko asked.

“Faboo. I helped Dot orchestrate an elaborate scheme to get--  _ OUCH! _ ”

Dot stomped on her sibling’s foot and gave her brother a big, inconspicuous grin. Yakko glared at her skeptically. “I see. How was skating, Dot?”

“Great! I ran into someone there!” she answered with a smirk.

At this point, Yakko could piece together that  _ both  _ of his siblings were meddling in his affairs, but a mix of genuine curiosity about where their scheme was going and an internalized sense of dread about addressing the situation kept him from pressing further. “Fantastic,” Yakko said plainly, pulling out his phone and hoping for a new message.

lol stranger danger doesn’t apply as

long as you can will a falling anvil to 

drop down on the stranger in question

if things go south.

I know you’re joking but she’s done that

Multiple times.

she did it at the skate park to some guy

who made fun of her pink sparkly roller 

skates

As she should. They’re badass. 

dude had it coming

anyway 

i had a lot of fun with you at the reception 

last night :o)

Yakko half-smiled at the last message and began typing a response before his train of thought was rudely interrupted by his sibling.

“Who ya texting?” Wakko said, placing his head on his brother’s shoulder.

“Wha-- uhhh-- nobody,” Yakko, red in the face, stumbled over his words before holding the phone’s screen against his chest so his siblings couldn’t see.

“His  _ boyfriend _ ,” Dot said with a shit-eating grin.

Yakko was getting a little more irritated with his siblings’ antics than usual. “I don’t have a boyfriend,” he said calmly but firmly.

Wakko declared, “Aha! Gotcha! We didn’t even  _ say  _ Max!”

Yakko stared blankly at his sibling. “Uhhh, neither did I?”

“Oh.”

Dot rolled her eyes. “Okay but you were thinking it. You’re texting him right now. Lemme see!” 

Dot catapulted herself across the table to grab Yakko’s phone, but he swiftly tossed it to his other hand and held it up high out of her reach. “I don’t know what you’re talking about, I’m not texting  _ anyone  _ right now. I’m having a lively in-person discussion with my dear siblings whom I love so very much!”

“Wakko! Get it!” Dot cried as she tackled her brother to the ground, sending the phone flying out of his hand.

Before Wakko could reach it, Yakko got a grip on his tail and pulled him to the ground, swiftly making his escape from Dot’s tackle and darting for the phone himself. He didn’t get far-- Dot grabbed his feet, sending him to the floor again, and Wakko leapt over him, taking the phone just inches out of the eldest’s reach. 

“Got it!” he called, holding it up over his head so that Yakko wouldn’t be able to reach it.

“I wouldn’t count on it!” Yakko declared, climbing his sibling like a tree and snatching the phone.

“Nuh uh!” Dot said, jumping to action and trekking her way to the top of the sibling tower they had created, wrestling the phone out of her brother’s hands. 

As the two aggressively fought over the phone while perched on Wakko’s shoulder, all three lost their balance and collapsed. “Where did it go?! Who has it?!” Yakko yelled frantically.

Suddenly, they heard a quiet, tinny voice. “Hello?”

Wakko realized he was sitting on the phone and stood up. “Yakko? You there?” said the tinny voice coming from the phone.

Yakko’s heart dropped to his stomach when he realized what had happened. He grabbed his phone without any interference from his sibling and cleared his throat. “Yello?”

“Hey! You called?” said the voice on the other end, which Yakko instantly recognized as Max.

“Oh, uhhh, I must’ve butt dialed you,” Yakko said before an awkward, short laugh, “Sorry.”

Wakko and Dot giggled as Yakko turned even redder, prompting him to put one finger to his lips in a “ _ shhh! _ ” motion. “Oh no, it’s okay!” Max responded.

After a few seconds of silence that felt like an eternity, Yakko cleared his throat once more and spoke up. “I, uh, had a lot of fun last night with you, too.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah.”

“Goddamn this is pathetic,” Dot said, shoveling popcorn into her face.

Yakko gave her a look that said “ _ if you don’t shut up I will make you regret the day you were drawn _ .”

“Hey, y’know how yesterday we were talking about going skateboarding? Would you, um, wanna do that? Like, maybe tomorrow if you’re free? Your siblings could come too if they want.” Max asked.

“Oh, uhhh, yeah! That sounds great!”

“Cool! Does 6 work for you?”

“That’s perfect!”

“Alright, uh, I gotta go. I’m helping my dad put together a crock pot pot roast.”

Yakko heard a crash from the other line, then fire alarms, police sirens, and a screeching cat. “Have fun with your pot roast, I’ll talk to you later.”

“Yeah, see you tomorrow!”

“Bye!”

Yakko hung up the phone, took a deep breath, leaned against the wall and slid down until he was sitting on the ground. “We’re going skating tomorrow?!” Wakko asked excitedly.

“ _ You’re  _ not,” Yakko answered.

Dot intervened. “Oh no no! He invited us too, remember? Wakko?”

The middle sibling pulled out a tape recorder and played back audio from the conversation of Max saying, “ _ Your siblings could come too if they want. _ ”

“Fine,” Yakko said, “but you’re only allowed to wreak _ justified _ havoc.”

“Of course! When have we ever wrought havoc that wasn’t completely justified?” Wakko reassured as Dot nodded in agreement.

Yakko looked at his watch and realized that he needed to get out the door now if he was going to be at the psychiatry practice at 11:30. “I gotta leave, I’m going out to lunch with Hello Nurse,” he said, grabbing his keys from the table and taking one last sip of his watermelon iced coffee.

“Okay, have fun,  _ Maxy _ ,” Dot teased, pointing at the name on Yakko’s coffee cup, causing both her and Wakko to erupt in giggles.

“I don’t have time for a clever comeback so I’m just gonna go with the old reliable “fuck you”,” Yakko said as he stepped out the door, “I’ll be back in a few hours.”

***

Yakko decided that he had a few moments to sit in the ugly-ass station wagon and stew in his thoughts before heading to the office.  _ I didn’t realize Wakko knew too. Did Dot tell him? Or am I really just that obvious? Why do they seem so comfortable with the idea of me not being straight and I’m not? What the FUCK are they up to? Why am I so scared?  _

Yakko couldn’t find one answer to any of his questions in the short time he allowed himself to sit idly in the driver’s seat.  _ Maybe Hello Nurse will have some ideas _ , he thought as he put the key in the ignition. 

  
  



	4. Lunch with a Nurse

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Yakko goes out to lunch with Hello Nurse seeking advice, and then confronts his siblings about their meddling.

Yakko walked into the waiting room just as Hello Nurse was in the middle of a phone call. “Yes, I know he’s a middle-aged psychiatrist with a strange European accent but I can assure you he’s nothing like Doctor Lector, Mr. Crawford… Yes I understand… I can send you a referral if you wish… Okay… Have a nice rest of your day, goodbye,” she hung up the phone and turned to the toon at her desk, “Helloooo, Yakko.”

“Ah, I see whatcha did there.”

“Just give me a second to finish up and we can go to lunch,” she said, turning back to the computer and beginning to aggressively type.

“I hate to ask, but could you drive? Wakko ate my muffler and I’m not comfortable driving too far until he gives it back.”

“Gross, but sure.”

“Thanks.”

Yakko leaned his elbow on the desk and rapped his fingers, waiting for her to finish whatever she was intensely working on. Finally, she hit one last key. “And, done!” she said, rolling out her office chair, “Let’s go.”

As the two entered the car, Hello Nurse quickly cleared the passenger’s side of clutter, throwing a stiletto, a bra and a briefcase engraved with the name “NORITA” into the back seat. “Sorry, I er- carpooled with Nora last night and she always forgets stuff in my car.”

“ _ Carpooled _ , okay.”

“Okay, well, um--”

“Hey, I’m not in HR and I don’t judge.”

The first thing Yakko noticed about Hello Nurse’s car was that it was very perfumey. She had a few of those little trees hanging from her rearview mirror and a fuzzy steering wheel cover. It was a very well-taken-care-of car that was infinitely nicer than the ugly-ass station wagon. “You can have the aux if you want,” Hello Nurse told Yakko.

Yakko lit up and immediately grabbed the chord. “No Hamilton,” she clarified.

Visibly disappointed at that rule, Yakko got out his phone and found a playlist that she would approve of.

“So was there something you wanted to talk about?” asked Hello Nurse.

“Yeah,” Yakko answered, “Your car smells like an H&M on crack.”

“Yours smells like fucking balogna, hon.”

“Touché,” Yakko said, watching the buildings pass by out his window.

“What do you really want to talk about?”

“I wouldn’t exactly say I  _ want  _ to talk about it.”

“Okay, smartass, what do you  _ need  _ to talk about?”

“It’s nothing. Really. Can we just wait until we get our food?”

“Did you commit another war crime?”

“No, nothing like that.”

“Good, I don’t think I could bail you out again.”

Yakko didn’t realize how long it had been since he and Hello Nurse had a one-on-one discussion longer than the brief chit-chats before his appointment with Dr. Scratchansniff. He enjoyed her company and made a mental note to talk with her more often, maybe when he didn’t feel like his very sense of self was crumbling before his eyes.

They pulled up to the taqueria on the other side of town and ordered their food through the drive-thru window. “We can just eat in here so that we can talk about whatever it is that’s weighing on your mind in privacy,” Hello Nurse explained.

After they ordered their food, the nurse parked the car in a nearby lot overlooking a scenic retention pond. Yakko was surprised that she was okay with eating in her very nice car, but then again, he could infer that she was okay with a number of activities in her very nice car, especially involving the CEO. 

“So what’s going on?” Hello Nurse asked in between bites of her quesadilla. 

Yakko finished chewing his burrito and took a swig of soda before answering. “I, uhhh, kinda don’t think I’m straight. And it’s freaking me out.”

“Hmm,” Hello Nurse replied, “Why is that?”

Yakko was surprised that she didn’t react with the shock that he was expecting, but he preferred her nonchalant tone. It helped keep him calm. “Because I’m confused. I feel like I should have known a long time ago, I feel like I don’t know myself. It’s just not something that’s a part of my identity, y’know? I’m the funny guy who likes pretty girls and says  _ “Helloooo, nurse!” _ ”

“Well first of all, you know you can still like pretty girls and also like guys, right? It’s not mutually exclusive, you could be bi or pan.”

“Yeah, I know. I think it’s just about how I apparently never seemed to notice that I like guys. Looking back, I can put together that I liked guys and just didn’t know what to make of it, but why didn’t I  _ notice  _ until now? Why didn’t I notice way back in the ‘40s when Dot and I both spotted a hunky soldier guy and I knew right then and there that I wanted to chase after him just like she did? Why didn’t I notice when I made my siblings sit through Desperado multiple times in a row so I could look at Antonio Banderas’s chest? I feel like a stranger to myself-- like I’ve had all these feelings for so long that I just didn’t know about. How does that even happen? What  _ else  _ don’t I know about myself? It’s kinda scary.”

Hello Nurse took a sip of her lemonade. “Have you ever heard of something called  _ comphet _ ?”

“Can’t say I have.”

“We live in a society where heterosexuality is the default, and so a lot of queer people don’t even consider that they could be anything  _ but  _ heterosexual for a long time, even if it seems obvious in retrospect that they weren’t.”

Yakko nodded his head.

The nurse let out an exasperated sigh. “You didn’t hear anything past  _ “we live in a society”  _ did you?”

“I did not.”

“Look. I didn’t always know I was a lesbian. For  _ years  _ I dated men and convinced myself I was attracted to them. I never considered that I might just like women because that was never clearly defined as an option. Minerva is bi and she’s said similar, but I imagine that when you actually  _ are  _ attracted to more than one gender it might be even harder to tell. So if it brings you any comfort, what you’re feeling isn’t unusual.”

Yakko reflected on Hello Nurse’s words as they continued eating. “The thing is,” he said, “I always  _ have  _ known it was an “option”, at least for a pretty long time. I mean, I’ve known you and Minerva and Pinky and Brain for years, and when each of you came out I don’t remember harboring any kind of negative feelings about it. I mean, Dot is trans and Wakko is nonbinary for fuck’s sake, and I supported them the best I could from the very start. Not to pat myself on the back, but I’ve tried my best to be a good ally, so  _ why  _ does the thought of being less-than-straight  _ myself  _ make me feel like this?”

“Well you said it yourself,” Hello Nurse responded, “You consider yourself an  _ ally _ . You consider yourself separate from the LGBTQ community even though you support it, and now you’re figuring out that you might have been wrong in that assumption. You’re discovering who you are. That can be daunting.”

“That makes sense.”

Hello Nurse wrapped up the paper that contained her quesadilla and placed it in the paper bag the food came in. “Not to pry, but is this about someone in particular?”

“Yes,” Yakko answered, “My damn self.”

She rolled her eyes. “You know what I meant. Do you have a  _ crush _ ?” she teased.

“I’m in love with Mr. Clean,” Yakko deadpanned. “He can scrub my floors any day of the week.”

“I know you’re joking but I actually dated Mr. Clean in ‘94. Though he didn’t magically erase my homosexuality.”

“I bet he smelled like bleach and artificial lemon.”

“Oh god he really did,” Hello Nurse took another sip of her drink before speaking again, “Is it the Disney kid you were dancing with at the reception?”

Yakko facepalmed. “Did  _ everyone  _ see us dancing?”

“Hon, you were in a dance circle with him.”

“Okay, if you must know, yes, I think he’s cute. I’m going skating with him tomorrow and I’m going to pretend that I’m bad at it so that he’ll hold my hand and catch me when I fall. I may be morally corrupt but goddamnit that guy is dreamy.”

“His name is Max, right?”

“Yeah, why?”

“Nothing, I just know him a little bit through Minerva.”

Yakko’s ears perked up. “Do you know if he’s uhhh--”

“Into guys? I’m not sure. I know he does listen to Lady Gaga, but he doesn’t seem like the  _ type  _ to listen to Lady Gaga so it could just be a fluke.”

Yakko stared in confusion. “Is that your metric for figuring out if someone is gay or not?”

“More or less,” Hello Nurse shrugged.

Yakko took the last sip of his soda. “Thanks for taking me out to lunch, Helloise. I needed this.”

“No problem at all. I know it’s hard figuring out who you are, especially in this context. You can always call me up if you need to talk.”

“Thank you, I will,” Yakko said, knowing he would rather take a comically large mallet to the head than call someone on the phone just to be vulnerable, but appreciating the sentiment regardless.

Hello Nurse checked the time on her phone. “We should be getting back to the office, my lunch is almost over.”

***

Yakko shoved some gas money into the passenger’s seat of Hello Nurse’s cars after she wouldn’t accept it from him directly and they parted ways in the parking lot of Scratchansniff’s practice. Yakko went back to his ugly-ass station wagon and texted Max.

I’m excited for tomorrow :)

With that, he threw his phone on the passenger’s seat and hit the road, the engine roaring the whole way home due to the lack of muffler. Yakko relished the car ride back to the water tower; he felt free to revel in his emotions in his own space. He felt good about today. He had settled his nerves regarding his crush and was able to let himself enjoy it. He liked flirting, the adrenaline rush he got every time he got a notification from Max-- or even better-- when he saw the three little dots indicating that he was typing. It felt intimate, like he was there with him, right back where he last saw him, mere inches away from his face on the dance floor, fully immersed in his eyes. Yakko began to really wish he would have just kissed him; it would have been perfect. In the back of his mind, Yakko knew that the chances of Max being into guys, let alone into  _ him _ specifically, were slim, but he couldn’t help but feed his unwavering optimism with fantasies and “what ifs”, reliving every piece of dialogue they exchanged that he could remember. His heart fluttered just thinking about it. He was in treacherous waters, fully besotted with that Disney boy, and he knew if he let himself dwell on it too long he would get hurt. But Yakko didn’t care. He was too high on infatuation to care.

***

“Sibs, I’m home!” Yakko called from the water tower door, taking off a fedora he wasn’t previously wearing and hanging it on a hat hook that wasn’t previously there.

Suddenly, Wakko and Dot crashed through the wall, very clearly in the middle of an all-out brawl, both looking like they were out for blood. Yakko crossed his arms. “Timeout!” he said.

Wakko and Dot froze mid-air, the latter’s claws were extended in a threatening manner. “What’s going on?” Yakko asked his siblings.

“Wakko ate my lipstick  _ again! _ ” Dot huffed.

“I did no such thing!” retorted Wakko.

“THEN WHY IS YOUR TONGUE PINK?”

“IT’S ALWAYS FUCKING PINK! TONGUES ARE PINK!”

“THE COLOR STYLIST MADE OUR TONGUES GERALDINE PINK AND RIGHT NOW YOURS IS BALLERINA BLACKOUT LOUD BUBBLEGUM YOU FUCKING LIAR!”

“Sibs! Calm down!” said Yakko, pressing on Dot’s palms, retracting her claws.

The younger Warners fell to the floor. “That lipstick was the only one that matched my vintage Y2K Juicy Couture pink top!” exclaimed Dot.

“The off-shoulder illusion top with the rhinestones or the scoop neck?” Yakko interrogated.

“The scoop neck!”

Yakko gasped. “ _ The scoop neck?! _ ”

“ _ THE SCOOP NECK! _ ” Dot repeated, tears welling up in her eyes.

“I’m sorry, Dot!” Wakko said in a dramatic, remorseful tone, “My will was weak and it just looked like it would taste so good!”

“Did it?” Yakko asked, genuinely curious.

“ _ No! _ ” Wakko cried out through sobs.

Yakko’s phone buzzed in his pocket, causing all three siblings to cease caring about the lipstick. “ _ OooOOOoooh! _ ” Wakko and Dot said in unison.

Yakko scowled. “Y’know it could be my Shakespeare quote-of-the-day notification and then the two of you’d just look foolish.”

“Yeah but it’s not!” Dot said smugly.

“It’s your boyfriend!” added Wakko.

Flustered, Yakko took his phone out of his pocket, shoving his siblings off of his shoulder. 

me too! can’t wait to teach you how

to skateboard, it’s a valuable life skill,

ya know!

  
Yakko melted at the thought of Max helping him “learn” to skateboard, guiding him through the park, holding his hand--

“Look at his face! We were right! It’s  _ loverboy _ !” exclaimed Dot, giggling.

The two youngest Warners erupted in obnoxious kissy noises to mock their brother, who was red in the face and clearly becoming a little more than just casually frustrated with the teasing.

“Can you guys please just  _ stop _ ? I don’t know how to make it any more glaringly obvious that this isn’t a topic I’m willing to discuss with you, or that it isn’t something I want you guys meddling with!” Yakko felt himself getting angry, and he quickly tempered his tone when he noted his siblings’ remorseful glances, “Sorry, I didn’t mean to yell. Just, a lot of emotions all at once, y’know? I think I’m gonna go read for a little while.”

Yakko rustled his siblings’ hair as he passed them, walking to the little reading nook he made for himself at the other side of the water tower to read a book he pulled out of his hammerspace:  _ An In-Depth History of Pocket Squares and Left Shoelaces Throughout 1943 _ . Niche history books brought him comfort and a sense of stability, and so he read until the sun went down.

Wakko entered the reading nook quietly, Ballerina Blackout Loud Bubblegum colored tongue sticking out of his face, which held a solemn expression. “I made you some tea,” he said softly, “and I made it your way this time. Dunking the bag and everything.”

Yakko looked up from his book and smiled at his sibling, touched by his thoughtfulness. He put the book down and accepted the tea, which was free of pulp this time. “Thanks, Wakko.”

The eldest scooted over in his chair and patted the seat, inviting his sibling to sit with him. Wakko accepted and leaned up against his brother, pulling out his Nintendo Switch and playing quietly while Yakko continued to read. “Y’know it’s okay for you to have feelings and stuff that ya keep to yourself,” Wakko said, breaking the silence, “long as y’know that me ’n Dot care. And that we’d listen to you if you ever decided that you didn’t wanna keep it to yourself.”

Yakko knew that, but the reassurance from his sibling was nice to hear. As much as Dot could read Yakko like a book, it was always Wakko that ended up knowing just how to make him feel better. “Thank you, Wak. And the same goes to you, too.”

“I’m sorry we got invasive.”

“Hey, don’t worry about it. You did nothing wrong.”

“I’m also sorry if we get more invasive. ’Cause we will.”

It was then that Yakko noticed Dot standing in the entrance of the little nook. He held out his free arm to her, and she accepted. “I’m sorry too,” she said as she plopped down with her siblings on the chair, which was definitely only made to fit one person, “Yakko if you got something on your mind that you’re not ready to talk about, it’s not my place to pry. I will not, however, stop trying to help make things work out for you. I’m a good sister. When I meddle in your affairs, I have your best interest at heart.”

Yakko smiled and rolled his eyes. “I know. And I appreciate it,” Yakko said, pulling his siblings into a hug, “I love you guys.”

With that, the chair snapped and all three Warners tumbled to the floor. “Don’t cha love it when we invade your personal space and destroy your things?” Dot asked her brother sarcastically.

“As a matter of fact, I do,” Yakko answered, “Property damage is how we show affection in this household!”

“Yeah!” agreed Wakko.

Yakko stood up from what was previously the chair and stretched. “Well, sibs,” he said, “It’s getting pretty late, I think I’m gonna turn in,”

“To what?” Wakko asked, his standard response to this statement.

Yakko shook his head. “Very cute, Wak.”

“ _ I’m  _ cute,” Dot butted in.

“Yes, you’re both cute. Now shut the fuck up.”

The eldest spun into his pajamas and rustled his siblings’ hair before jumping into his ball pit. “G’night, Dot, night Wakko!” he said, figuring they would both stay up for a while playing video games as they usually did.

Once he was safely under a sheet of colorful plastic balls, he pulled out his phone to respond to Max, feeling a little guilty for his late response.

Ah yes, a valuable life skill I have never

needed in the 100 years I have existed :P

His heart fluttered when he saw the three little dots at the bottom left hand corner of the screen immediately after the text went through.

well ya never know, old man!

I guess that’s fair. How has your day been

goin’? 

pretty good! the crock pot pot roast turned 

out both severely undercooked and 

burnt to a crisp, so we got takeout instead.

You overcooked *and* undercooked it?

That’s honestly impressive.

thank you. i do my best. 

how about you? how’s your day going?

Yakko and Max chit-chatted over text for what seemed like hours before going to sleep. Yakko felt safe with him, like they were in their own little bubble. He didn’t think he was ready to put anything he was feeling into words, not to his siblings and  _ especially  _ not to Max, but he was in a place where he felt comfortable experiencing them for himself. He was still terrified, but the terror had become duller and softer in favor of romanticism. With that, he fell asleep content.

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next chapter will have lots of cute Yakko/Max interaction finally!!! I'll try to have it out by the end of this week. If you liked this chapter I would really appreciate it if you left some kudos or a comment! Thank you so much!!!


	5. You Don't Have To

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Yakko and Max go on a date that isn't a date

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I did not proofread this before publishing it because I'm very tired but also very excited so here it is, folks. The moment we've all been waiting for. Kinda.

The next morning and afternoon were pretty typical for the Warner household. Falling anvils, spontaneous roller coasters, waffles; the usual. At around 5 in the afternoon, Yakko held two identical pairs of brown slacks up to Dot. “Which pair should I wear tonight?” he asked her.

“Definitely the right,” she answered, “the ones on the left are horrifying. You should burn them.”

“Really? I kinda thought these were--”

Dot snatched the pair on the left and threw them into a wastebasket along with a lit match. “No,” she said, “trust me. And wear the belt. If you try to make wearing a rope around your waist a “thing” again I will have no choice but to put you down.”

“Hey, they thought it was  _ perfect  _ for Wakko’s Wish.”

“Yeah and the whole point was that you couldn’t afford an actual fucking belt, dumbass.”

“Fine, you’re probably right.”

“I am. Also it’s important that you cuff your pants tonight.”

“I was already going to but, uhhh, why is it specifically important tonight?”

Dot shrugged. “Just is. Trust me. And wear the cool gray polo, it looks nice.”

Yakko didn’t question his sister’s judgement any further and went off to get ready. He changed into the slacks that Dot recommended and the nice cool gray polo shirt. He couldn’t remember when exactly he stopped going about his daily life shirtless, but he had grown fond of polo shirts of all kinds, especially ones with wacky prints. He wanted to wear the one that was just a close-up of Danny Devito’s face across the entire fabric-- a personal favorite of his-- but opted to follow Dot’s advice instead. She definitely knew more about fashion, so Yakko trusted her sense.

He styled his tuft of hair and spritzed some cologne, which were two steps of his routine he rarely followed but seemed important tonight. He looked in the mirror and was happy with his presentation. He was ready to go fall on his face.

His siblings were already set to go out the door, skateboards, knee pads, and helmets in hand. “Wakko, did you fix the, uhhh, muffler problem?” Yakko asked as he grabbed his keys.

“Uh huh,” Wakko nodded, “But your whole car is due for a tune-up. I can take a look at it tomorrow!”

Thanks, sib, sounds good. You both ready to go?”

“Yeah!” the youngest Warners said in unison.

***

As the trio approached the skate park in the ugly-ass station wagon, Dot announced something to her brother. “Yakko, I forgot to tell you that Wakko and I are getting mani-pedis with Lola and Pinky this evening and they’re gonna pick us up from the skate park early, is that okay?”

“First roller skating at 8 in the morning, and now late-night mani-pedis? Sis, if I didn’t know any better, I’d say your recent escapades are just awfully convenient plot points,” Yakko responded, “Just be home before 10.”

“Will do!” 

After parking the car and collecting their equipment from the trunk, the Warners walked to the entrance, and Yakko quickly spotted the familiar boy with floppy ears and buck teeth already doing tricks on a handrail with his friends. Dot tied up her skates and immediately made her way to the quarter pipe, while Wakko stuck around with his brother fastening his helmet. “Hey, it’s Yakko!”

The eldest Warner’s ears perked up as Max skated toward him with his posse following in close pursuit. “Maxy! How’ve you been?”

“Been good, been good. You?”

“Just dandy!”

“You remember Bobby and PJ?”

“Of course! Good to see you guys again!”

“You got a skateboard? I brought a spare just in case.”

Yakko swooned over Max’s thoughtfulness, temporarily becoming disoriented. “Oh, uhhh, that’s okay. I, uhhh, borrowed one of Wakko’s old ones.”

Wakko gave a puzzled look. “No you di-- OW!”

Yakko gave his sibling a friendly kick. “Wakko, is it? You any good at skating, bruh?” Bobby asked the middle Warner.

“You bet!” Wakko responded, “I once boardslid across the entire length of the Great Wall of China!”

“Woah, really?” asked PJ.

“Uh huh!” Wakko said with a tongue-out grin.

Bobby skated in circles around Wakko. “Show us what you can do, bunny bug boy!”

“Not a bunny or a bug or a boy, but will do!” Wakko said, leading PJ and Bobby back to the handrail, leaving Yakko and Max at the outskirts of the park.

“So,” Max said, turning to Yakko, “Ready to learn how to skateboard?”

“As I’ll ever be,” Yakko shrugged enthusiastically.

“Here. Just start off by standing on your board to get used to it.”

Yakko thought he might have to fake being wobbly, but the dizziness and disorientation that came from having his crush giving him his full attention made it incredibly easy to look like he had no idea what he was doing. As soon as he stood on the board, he almost fell backwards, causing Max to instinctually grab his shoulders to balance him. “Sorry, I’m just trying to help you to not fall. I don’t mean to, like, manhandle you,” he said with an awkward laugh.

_ Goddamn it I wish you would _ , Yakko involuntarily thought, making his cheeks turn redder than they previously were. After he gained his balance, Max let go. “Awesome! Now bend your knees, put a foot on the ground and kick off like this!”

Max demonstrated flawlessly on his own skateboard before returning to the Warner. Yakko kicked off and started rolling. “Good job, man! You’re a natural!” called out Max, closely trailing behind him, “Now to turn, you just gotta lean.”

Maybe Yakko wasn’t paying enough attention, or maybe he was too invested in his role of Guy-Who-Doesn’t-Know-How-To-Skateboard, but he ended up falling flat on his back the instant he tried to lean in to a turn. This, in turn, caused Max to trip over Yakko and fall directly on top of him, cheesy teeny-bop rom-com style.

“Y’know, it would have been really impressive if you somehow managed to ollie over me,” Yakko said, voice strained from being crushed under Max’s weight.

“You’re right,” replied Max, lifting his upper body from the ground with his hands, “but this is just part of the fun!”

Yakko tried not to overthink about what  _ that  _ was supposed to mean, and accepted Max’s help up off of the ground. “I think the first wipeout makes things easier,” Max told Yakko as he lifted him up by his hand, “’Cause you realize that falling isn’t so bad and you don’t have to be afraid of it anymore.”

“Woah,” Yakko said, “They should hire you to write cheesy motivational posters for office cubicles.”

Max giggled and rolled his eyes. Yakko swooned at the little _hyuck_ noise he made mid-laugh, perhaps a little too obviously. “What?” Max said, still grinning.

“Uhhh, nothing,” said Yakko, embarrassed, “I just really like your laugh.”

“Oh god. The weird hyuck thing?” 

Yakko scratched the back of his neck. “It’s cute. It’s  _ goofy _ .”

Max blushed at the compliment. “I used to really hate it , but, uh, I’ve learned to embrace it.”

The boys stood awkwardly in the middle of the park, both red in the face and clutching their skateboards. The skate park was mostly empty today; there weren’t many others besides the Warners, Max, and his friends. Yakko did a quick scan to make sure his siblings were still okay. Dot was filming TikTok videos of her fancy roller skating routines and Wakko was still with PJ and Bobby, demonstrating his burping skills to them. “So, d’ya think you could teach me how to do a kickflip?” Yakko asked, turning his attention back to Max.

Suddenly, Wakko rolled over to the boys. “But Yakko, I thought you already knew h--”

Dot quickly swooped in and dragged her sibling away before he could finish his sentence and gave Yakko a knowing wink.

“Sure! It’ll take some practice, though,” Max responded.

As the sun started to set, Yakko and Max continued skating and enjoying each other’s company. As Max held his hand and rolled him around the park as fast as they could go, Yakko wondered if this could be considered a date. He still couldn’t determine if Max was actually into him or if he was just an incredibly friendly straight guy, but Yakko was just content to be in his company. “Yakko!” he heard his sister call from the entrance of the park.

The boys immediately rolled to the younger Warners. “Lola is here to pick us up,” Dot announced as Wakko nodded.

“Alright, see ya back at the tower, have fun!” Yakko said, already rolling away with the Disney toon.

“Love youuuu!” Wakko called as they left.

Yakko knew that this was Wakko’s attempt at embarrassing him in front of Max, but little did he know that he didn’t find it embarrassing at all. “Love you too, sib!”

“Your siblings are sweet,” Max told the eldest Warner.

“They are,” he agreed, “You should see ’em when they commit arson. Fucking adorable.”

A half hour after PJ and Bobby left the park to smoke weed in the latter’s basement, Yakko and Max decided to call it a day too. After Yakko entered the ugly-ass station wagon, Max leaned his elbows into the rolled-down window on the driver’s side. “We should do this again,” he said with a goofy grin, “I had a lot of fun.”

Yakko couldn’t help but admire how beautifully the yellow and red warning lights on his dashboard reflected off of the Disney toon’s big eyes and sleek hair. He was perfect. Yakko could look at him forever. “As did I, Maxy. Are you free on Saturday?”

“As a matter of fact, I am,” Max nodded, “It’s a date!”

Yakko’s heart skipped a beat. “A date?”

“Oh, uh, like a, uh, date on the calendar, yeah,” Max cleared his throat, “Y’know cause it’s, a, uh, day?”

“Saturday is a day? You don’t say.”

“That rhymed.”

The boys glanced at each other without saying a word, but Yakko found it more comfortable than awkward. Finally, he broke the silence. “Welp, I better get going so I can be home in time to stand at the door to give a disapproving glance to my siblings when they come home past curfew.”

“Alright, I’ll see ya Saturday,” Max said, backing away from the ugly-ass station wagon as Yakko turned the ignition.

The car didn’t start. Yakko gave it a second, and then turned the key again. Still nothing. Yakko could’ve sworn he heard the car give a hearty cough. “Everything okay?” Max said, leaning his head down to the window.”

“Uhhh-” Yakko was cut off by the ugly-ass station wagon making an unholy screeching noise followed by a downright Satanic roar.

“Can I take that as a no?”

“ _ Fuck _ ,” Yakko exclaimed, “Wakko said he would look at the car tomorrow. I didn’t think it would break down  _ tonight _ .”

He got out his phone to text his siblings.

Hey sibs, the car broke down, can you 

call Scratchy and see if he can give you a

ride over so Wakko can fix it?

!!! NOT DELIVERED !!!

“ _ FUCK! _ ” exclaimed Yakko again, “I’m not getting any cell service.”

“Yeah, this place is a dead zone,” Max said, “but I’ll tell you what. No one cares about parking here. One time Bobby left his car here for three weeks and everything was fine. If you’re comfortable with it, I can give you a ride home and Wakko can fix it tomorrow.”

As terrible as the situation was, and as much as he didn’t want to inconvenience Max, Yakko could only think about how happy he was about the prospect of getting to spend a little more time with him. “Are you sure? You know you don’t have to--”

“No, really! I want to, it’s no problem at all.”

Yakko unbuckled his seatbelt and got out of the car. “Alright! Thanks a whole lot, Max.”

“Don’t mention it,” he said as he put his skateboard into his hammerspace and pulled out two helmets and two leather jackets.

Yakko was confused until he turned around and saw the beaming headlight of a parked motorcycle. Max handed him one of the helmets and the smaller jacket. “You ride a motorcycle?”

“Yeah, is that okay?”

“Oh, yeah, I’ve just never ridden one before,” Yakko answered, putting on his gear.

“Just hold onto my waist so you don’t fly off and lean forward when we turn corners. You live on the WB lot, right?”

“Yep!”

Max helped him up onto the bike and explained how to sit the correct way. Yakko felt awkward holding onto Max’s waist and giving him even less personal space than he used to give Hello Nurse, but he couldn’t deny the fact that he enjoyed being so close to him. As the engine roared, Yakko held onto Max a little tighter and he could pick up the scent of his aftershave on the back of his neck. He thought it was cute how his ears flopped in the wind as they rode along the open road. When they stopped at a red light, Max spoke up over the blaring noise of the bike, “You doin’ okay back there?”

“I think I swallowed a bug, but besides that, I’m great!” Yakko yelled back.

“Good! I wanna make a quick stop before we go to the lot!”

The light went green and Max maneuvered the bike in the opposite direction of the WB lot before pulling into the parking lot of a tiny little ice cream stand that looked like it had seen better days. He parked the bike and turned off the ignition. “You ever been here before?”

“I pass by all the time but I’ve never stopped here.”

The boys removed their helmets and Max helped Yakko off the bike. “Really?” the Disney toon asked, “It’s like five minutes away from the lot and it’s easily the best ice cream place in this part of Burbank.”

Yakko didn’t know how to tell Max, who was clearly very excited about this ice cream, that he was in fact severely lactose intolerant, so he just nodded his head. “I bet.”

The pair walked up to the order window, which was made of crumbly brick barely covered by chipped blue paint and manned by a teenage girl with streaky red hair who was very clearly ready to close for the night. “Welcome to The Old Abandoned Ice Cream Shop, how may I help you,” the girl said in a monotone voice.

“Hi! Can I have a rocky road double scoop on a cone with some hot fudge?” Max turned to his friend, “What do you want, Yakko?”

Yakko was caught off guard and didn’t know what to say. “Oh, uhhh, you don’t have to--”

“C’mon, I insist! My treat!”

Yakko couldn’t bring himself to say no to Max.  _ I feel like vanilla probably has the most lactose, right? What about strawberry? I bet the strawberries take up room that the lactose would have taken up, so it’ll make me the least sick. That sounds right _ , he thought. “Can I get a small strawberry cone?” he finally asked the girl before turning to the Disney toon, “Thanks, Max. Y’know, you’re driving me home, you didn’t have to buy me ice cream, too.”

“Don’t mention it. I was hungry,” said Max with a smile, “and honestly, I wasn’t ready to say goodnight to you yet.”

Yakko’s head spun when he said that, and he wondered what he meant by it. The girl handed them their ice cream cones and Max paid and left a few dollars in the tip jar. The pair walked to the side of the joint facing the street and sat down on the cracked cement against the building. Red and white headlights zoomed past, one after the next, leaving the faint smell of gasoline in the boys’ nostrils as they ate their ice cream. Yakko stole glances at Max whenever he thought he could get away with it. He had been speaking to him all day, hell, he was holding his hand, grabbing onto his waist, making him laugh-- but this moment the pair sat in silence, looking onward into the busy road, felt far more intimate. 

Yakko felt the moment was too heavy and decided to break the ice. “Y’know who you kinda remind me of, Maxy?” he asked.

Max shifted his gaze away from the traffic and to the toon sitting beside him. “Who?” 

“Goofy,” Yakko said, “That old classic Disney toon. You look like him a little bit.”

Max grinned. “He’s my dad.”

Yakko did a double take. “ _ What? _ ”

“Yup,” Max nodded, “The name’s Maximilian Goof!” 

“Guess I shoulda read your wiki page after I met you.”

Max snickered with a hearty  _ hyuck!  _ “Oh my god! That’s the laugh! The hyuck! That’s the Goofy laugh!” Yakko exclaimed with obvious enthusiasm. 

Max blushed. “I used to absolutely  _ hate  _ it,” he said, “but I’ve learned to embrace it. I got Goof blood, I don’t really have a choice,  _ hyuck _ !”

The smaller toon giggled and scooched a tad closer. “Don’t take this the wrong way, but it’s really cute.”

Yakko thought his choice of words was a bold move; his heart beat fast and nervously as he awaited Max’s response. “Aw, thanks!” Max said in a sincere tone, “My ex girlfriend used to say that-- that’s how I learned to embrace it.” 

Yakko wasn’t expecting  _ that _ . He couldn’t think of anything to say, so he licked his ice cream and smiled as his heart sank. Max adjusted the way he was sitting on the ground and placed his hand parallel to Yakko’s. 

Yakko instantly noticed that their pinky fingers were touching and his heart sank even more. He placed his pinky finger on top of Max’s, hoping he wouldn’t pull away. He didn’t move a muscle. Yakko couldn’t tell if Max even noticed that small adjustment, but he hoped to the wishing star that he did. They sat mostly still for a few moments, eating their ice cream and facing the road, until Yakko broke the silence once more. “It’s pretty chilly out here.”

“Really?” Max responded, “My fur must be drawn thicker than yours. I’m not cold at all.”

Suddenly, Max stood up and handed Yakko his ice cream cone. “Hold this, I’ll be right back,” he said as he rounded the corner back to his bike, confusing Yakko. 

Max returned with a red hoodie in hand. “Here,” he said as he took back his ice cream and handed the garment to Yakko. 

Yakko blushed hard. He didn’t mean for Max to go out of his way when he said he was cold, but he certainly didn’t protest. He put the hoodie on over his polo. It was oversized and soft and perfect. “Oh, shoot, I forgot it doesn’t have sleeves,” Max said with an awkward laugh.

“It’s plenty warm,” Yakko said, “Thanks, Max, you didn’t have to do this.”

“I know, I wanted to.”

The pair continued facing the street. Max slipped an arm behind Yakko and placed a hand on his lower arm. “Wow, you really are cold,” Max chuckled as he ran his hand up and down his arm to create heat. 

The one who yaks had nothing to yak about. Instead, he positioned himself closer to Max and rested his head on his chest. This certainly felt like a date. He almost allowed himself to believe that Max felt the same way, but he wasn’t going to say a word about it-- or any words at all for that matter. Instead, he would bury his face in Max’s t-shirt and close his eyes; Max didn’t seem to mind.

Yakko never felt so small in the company of another toon. He was the oldest Warner, the protector, the comforter. Even though Wakko was almost a foot taller than him now and Dot was on track to pass Yakko up in height any day now, they were still little to him. Yakko only ever felt small in the context of human people, the company, the great big universe. Then, he was downright puny. But the way he felt small right now was different. It was positive. He didn’t feel like the weight of the world was on his shoulders and that he was ill-equipped to carry it; he felt safe, like he could let his guard down and trust that everything would be okay. As Max gently rustled his hair, Yakko realized that he hadn’t felt that kind of relief since before he and his siblings were locked away in the water tower and he certainly didn’t realize how much he missed it. And in what felt like an instant, it was over.

“Hey, we should be getting you back home,” Max said softly, “I don’t want your siblings to start worrying about you.”

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I would super duper appreciate it if you told me what you thought in the comments and left some kudos if you feel so inclined! Thank you for reading and stay tuned for the next chapter! :)


	6. Water Tower Chat

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Max brings Yakko home from their not-date and the younger Warners have a conversation with their brother.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ***CONTENT WARNING FOR THIS CHAPTER***  
> There is mention of nausea/vomiting at the beginning of this chapter that does not continue past the first "***".  
> A few paragraphs after the first "***", there is a brief innuendo. It's pretty on par with the kind of innuendos in the OG series, but I thought I should include it in the content warning because I know some people aren't fans of innuendo humor.
> 
> If you decide to skip all or part of this chapter due to the aforementioned content warning, I completely understand and I left a start-to-finish summary of this chapter in the end notes so you can keep up with the fic if you wish!

As Yakko released himself from Max’s arms and stood up from the cracked cement, he realized the lactose was about to hit him. His stomach rumbled and cramped but he tried to remain inconspicuous as he hopped back onto the motorcycle and clutched onto Max as they rode on through the night, and the tiny bit of motion sickness he was experiencing certainly wasn’t helping.  _ Don’t throw up on his bike. Don’t throw up on his bike. Don’t throw up on his bike _ , Yakko repeated to himself in his mind as he started feeling sicker and sicker. As they pulled up to the entrance of the lot, Yakko directed Max to the water tower. Although Max was technically trespassing by entering the studio without a permit, Yakko reassured him that rules were meant to be broken, especially when the one enforcing such rules was a sleeping Ralph. 

“Thanks a bunch for the ride, Maxy,” Yakko said as he took off his helmet and tried his best to mask the fact that he was suffering from severe abdominal pain, “and the ice cream.”

“Don’t mention it,” Max responded, “I had a lot of fun with you today.”

“Me too. I’m almost glad my car broke down. Not quite, but almost.”

Yakko handed the motorcycle helmet and jacket back to Max and began to take off the red hoodie to give back to him too. “Oh, uh, you can keep the hoodie, y’know, if you want,” Max stuttered, “It looks like a big climb and I’m sure it, uh, only gets colder the higher up you get.”

Yakko wasn’t expecting such a gesture but he certainly wasn’t going to argue. “It does,” he agreed, shoving his hands in the front pocket of Max’s hoodie, “Thanks.”

Yakko rocked back and forth on his heels and toes, unsure how to say goodnight. He knew in his heart that it would feel right to kiss him, so right that he could hardly think about anything else. He avoided eye contact with Max to avoid the embarrassment he felt. He didn’t know it was possible to feel simultaneously euphoric and incredibly miserable, but there he was, gazing intently into his dream boy’s eyes while his internal organs felt like they were slowly trying to kill him.

The moment passed, and Max cleared his throat and broke eye contact. “I better get going,” he said, “Goodnight, Yaks.”

Yakko smiled, pleased that Max had given him a nickname. Sure it was a lazy nickname, but it charmed him. “G’night, Maxy.”

With that, the Disney toon rode off and Yakko watched until he couldn’t hear the hum of the motorcycle anymore. 

Yakko grunted in agony all the way up the water tower ladder. He knew what to expect when he opened the door; it was nearly midnight and he had told his siblings to be home at 10. He knew they would be standing at the door, arms crossed, ready to playfully ridicule him for being a hypocrite. He also knew that the fact that he was wearing Max’s hoodie would only fuel their teasing, but he was either in too much pain or too focused on being lovestruck to really care.

His predictions rang true when he walked into the water tower, greeted by his little siblings, both wearing shit-eating grins. “ “Be home by 10,” he said,” Dot smirked.

“ “Don’t be late,” he said,” Wakko added.

“Gee, Wakko! What time is it now?” Dot asked sarcastically.

“Quarter past midnight, Dot!”

“Save it,” Yakko groaned, “I’m gonna go puke out my small intestine, but after that you can berate me all you want.”

“Yay!” declared Dot and Wakko in unison, far too enthusiastically in Yakko’s opinion.

***

Yakko slowly opened the bathroom door to find his siblings waiting for him outside, Dot with a glass of lemon water in hand and Wakko with a bag of ginger chews. “Thanks, guys,” Yakko said with a weak voice, accepting a ginger chew and a sip of water right away, “How was the mani pedi?”

Dot and Wakko took off their gloves to show off their manicured hands. “It was fun!” Wakko exclaimed, “I wish the animators gave us toenails to polish, though.”

“I know you were just sick and I should be nice and respect your boundaries and blah blah blah, but c’mon can we  _ please  _ talk about Max?” Dot asked her brother.

Yakko rolled his eyes and gave a sickly sigh. “Fine.”

“We have a few questions, comments, and concerns,” Wakko added.

Yakko was in a strangely calm and collected mood and was also pretty worn out, so he decided to humor them. “Go ahead.”

Wakko and Dot spun around and instantly changed into detective outfits, ready to interrogate their brother. “We couldn’t help but notice that you were spending an awful lot of time in close proximity to Max at the skate park,” Dot started.

“That’s correct.”

“We also took note that Max was under the impression that you don’t know how to skateboard despite engaging in the sport since 1952,” stated Wakko.

“Also correct.”

“We came to the conclusion after serious deliberation that you falsely painted yourself as a novice skater so that Max would help you learn and give you attention. Can you confirm or deny this?”

“Yup.”

“That leaves us with just one final question,” Dot said with intensity. 

“Do you LIKE like him?” the youngest Warners exclaimed in unison.

“You know me well, sibs,” Yakko declared, unenthusiastically. 

Wakko and Dot cheered and tore away their detective costumes. “You’re not our token cishet anymore!” Dot beamed as she embraced her brother.

“We’re so proud!” said Wakko, joining the hug. 

“You seem a lot less tense about it than you did yesterday,” Dot said.

“Yeah!” added Wakko, “Remember when you yelled at us for teasing you last night?”

“I know. And I’m sorry. I think being with Max tonight kind of helped my anxiety a little bit,” responded Yakko, “He really calmed me down.”

Dot nodded. “You came home in the middle of the night with your hair all messed up and wearing clothing I’ve never seen before. You can spare us the details.”

“Wha-  _ NO!  _ Not like  _ that _ !” Yakko shouted, “I just mean, I felt safe with him in a way I’ve never felt safe with anyone before, in a different way than how I feel safe with you guys and Scratchy.”

Dot and Wakko snickered. “So is he your  _ boyfriend _ , now?” 

“No, and to be perfectly honest, sibs, I shouldn’t be seeking a relationship right now. I’m just happy to have Max as a friend. I can get butterflies everytime his arm brushes against me and daydream about how perfect his little giggle is and how it’s the only thing I want to hear for the rest of my life and think everything about him is otherworldly and beautiful,” Yakko stopped himself and cleared his throat, “and still just be pals!”  
Dot raised her brow and crossed her arms. “Uh huh. Let me know how that works out for you.”

“But doesn’t Max like you too?” Wakko asked with a confused expression.

Yakko shrugged his shoulders. “Not sure, probably not, but it doesn’t matter because he doesn’t have to know that I like him!”

“Who does  _ this  _ belong to?” asked Dot, tugging on one of the drawstrings on the hoodie Yakko was wearing.

“It’s Max’s but he only gave it to me because it was chilly outside, it doesn’t mean anything.”

“IT HAS NO SLEEVES!” Wakko yelled.

“AND WE LIVE IN FUCKING CALIFORNIA IT’S  _ NOT _ CHILLY!” Dot added.

“We were eating ice cream! It was cold! And he forgot that it didn’t have sleeves so we just kinda huddled up.”

“Wait, wait, wait-- hold the phone,” Dot said, cradling her head in frustration, “First of all, you ate ice cream? Like the kind that has lactose in it?”

“Yes.”

“Why?”

“Just because my body rejects ice cream doesn’t mean I have to reject the cute guy who offered to buy it for me.” 

“I’m not good with pickin’ up on stuff like this,” Wakko contributed, “but if Max gave you his hoodie and cuddled up with you, I think that sounds like he might like you. One time Dot told me she wanted a boyfriend to steal hoodies from, y’know.”

“Actually I said I wanted to steal a hoodie from that same Gucci store in the Beverly Center that I stole those boyfriend jeans from-- but that’s beside the point. Wakko’s still right.”

“We didn’t  _ cuddle _ , though,” Yakko argued, “He just kinda side-hugged me for a while while I rested my head on his chest and dozed off. It could have totally just been a bro thing, I don’t think I should read too much into it.”

Dot facepalmed and let out an exasperated sigh. “Why do people think you’re the smart one?”

“Ooh! Ooh! I know the answer to this one!” Wakko exclaimed, “It’s ’cause he absorbs useless information to distract himself from the fact that he has a very weak sense of self, and additionally, he’s been thoroughly convinced from a tender age that his intelligence and wit are his only useful attributes and he’s deathly afraid of losing them and becoming irrelevant!”

“That is absolutely correct!” announced Yakko into a microphone, now sporting a suit and a gameshow-host-style hairdo as balloons and confetti fall from the sky, “Tell him what he’s won, Dot!”

“The satisfaction of knowing that he has a close relationship with his brother and understands him on a deep emotional level!” said Dot, now dressed in a sparkly red gown and also speaking into a microphone.

“Aw, poo! I wanted the peloton!” Wakko complained.

“But honestly, Yakko,” said Dot, back in her normal attire, “I’m sure he likes you. You should ask him out; I don’t think he’d say no.”

“Yeah, and you’ll never know unless ya try!” added Wakko with a tongue-out grin.

Dot nodded. “And he’s ugly so he really shouldn’t be turning people down.”

“Dot what the fuck?! He’s handsome and charming and really cute, he is absolutely  _ not  _ ugly! _ ” _

“Ehhh,” Wakko and Dot groaned in unison.

“Maybe you guys are right,” Yakko said, “Not about him being ugly-- you’re dead wrong about that and honestly I’m personally offended-- but about him maybe liking me back and that maybe I should ask him out. I don’t think I’m ready to take that step, though. I’m content with how things are right now.”

“Well, ya know you’ve got our support no matter what you do!” Wakko reassured.

“Thanks, sib.”

“Unless you choose to wear Birkenstocks again. You won’t have my support if you do that and I might actually disown you,” Dot expounded.

“Noted,” Yakko nodded before letting out a big yawn, “It’s been a long day. I think I’m gonna hit the sack.”

“Night!” said Wakko.

“Have sweet dreams about side-hugging your ugly dog boy!” Dot added.

***

As the weeks and months went by, Yakko developed a sort of routine with Max. Every weekend, they would go to the skate park and then stop off at The Old Abandoned Ice Cream Shop to have a snack and chat. Fortunately, Yakko was in a much clearer headspace for his second not-date with Max and realized that the stand sold snow cones and slushies as well, both lactose free. He became much more familiar with Max and felt he could really be himself around him. It became routine for Yakko to yak on and on about whatever historical tidbit or literary passage he was obsessed with that week while Max nodded along and asked questions with a big silly grin on his face that melted Yakko’s heart. Max told Yakko all about the crazy antics he and his friends got into, and likewise, Yakko told Max all about the crazy antics he and his siblings got into. Yakko’s crush only grew stronger, but it became more familiar and comforting than awkward, as if it was shaping into intense fondness-- or even just plain love. 

“The guests should be arriving any minute!” yelled Dot as she ran through the water tower in a fancy purple gown, hair and makeup done to perfection.

Dot-- and to a lesser extent, Wakko-- had been planning a dinner party for two months and today was finally the day. The table was all set perfectly, a gramophone was softly playing classical music, and Wakko prepared a gourmet meal. Dot was a fan of hosting fancy parties, and she always went all-out. 

Yakko had just finished adjusting his sibling’s tie when the doorbell rang for the first time. “I’ll get it!” Dot yelled.

“Hi, Dot!”

Yakko’s ears perked up upon hearing a familiar voice at the door and ran over. “Hiya, Maxy!” he said.

“Hey, Yakko! You look really sharp tonight!”

Dot cleared her throat.

“Oh, uh, you look really nice too, Dot!”

“I swear to god, it’s like pulling teeth to get one lousy compliment sometimes,” Dot said to herself before addressing her guest, “Come on in, Max!”

Max complimented their water tower home and made light conversation with the Warners as they awaited the arrival of the other guests. Wakko served hors d’oeuvres of pizza rolls and ranch dressing as Max told a story about the time he and his dad went on a roadtrip to perform with Powerline live on stage. Yakko was fixated on how handsome Max looked in his pinstripe suit when he noticed the clock.  _ The party was supposed to start an hour ago, how is no one else here by now?  _ he thought.

He shot his sister a glance, and she smirked and raised her eyebrows in return. That’s when it hit him. Max was the only guest that Dot had invited, and this wasn’t supposed to be a dinner party; it was supposed to be a date.

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading and I hope you enjoyed it!! Tell me what you think in the comments and leave some kudos if you feel so inclined!! I would greatly appreciate it and thanks again!!!!
> 
> CHAPTER SUMMARY:  
> Max takes Yakko home and they say an awkward but sweet goodbye. Dot and Wakko interrogate Yakko, as he has come home way past their curfew and he finally confirms their suspicions that he has a crush on Max. As he tells them about their not-date, they try to tell him that they think Max likes him back and that he should ask him out. Yakko finally agrees with them that Max *might* like him back, but says he isn't ready for any next steps and is content with their friendship as is. Yakko and Max's friendship continues to flourish over the months, and Dot plans a fancy dinner party. Yakko soon realizes that Max is the only guest she has invited and she's actually intending to set Yakko and Max up on a fancy dinner date.


	7. Dinner Date?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Yakko and Max go on a dinner date that isn't a dinner date

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am very tired because I'm in school and I'm gay and math is hard and I didn't proofread this and I'm in a silly mood so take this chapter with a grain of salt <3
> 
> ***CONTENT WARNING***  
> This chapter contains alcohol consumption. Neither of the characters who drink are underage in this fic (21 and 22) and neither get drunk, but I thought I should make a content warning anyway

Yakko felt himself turn red; his mouth was dry and he could feel sweat likely drenching his collar. He didn’t know how-- or if-- he could survive the night with his dignity intact. Suddenly, Wakko entered from the kitchen and cleared his throat. “Dinner is served,” he announced, trying his best to sound classy and sophisticated.

Max looked up at the clock. “Wait, is anyone else coming?” he asked.

Dot shrugged. “Not all parties are winners.”

Wakko set a large serving platter on the center of the table. “I present… pisghetti.”

“Wak, you’re 19. I  _ know _ you can pronounce “spaghetti” now,” Yakko said with a mildly annoyed expression.

“Yeah, but “pisghetti” is kind of my brand, y’know?”

“That’s fair. I can respect that.”

Yakko began to stand up from his seat to help serve, which was always his duty at Dot’s dinner parties, but Dot gestured for him to sit back down. Dot lit a candle on the center of the table as Wakko dimmed the lights and poured Max and Yakko each a glass of fancy red wine. “Should I even ask how you two have an alcoholic beverage in your possession?” the eldest Warner asked.

“Don’t ask questions you don’t want answers to,” Dot responded. 

“Aren’t you gonna make yourself a plate?” Max asked the youngest sibling.

“Nah,” answered Dot, vaguely and nonchalantly, as she and Wakko strutted out of the room, “Toodles!”

Yakko could feel a lump in his throat and his heart racing in his chest as he suddenly found himself on a fancy dinner date. “Well this isn’t really what I expected,” Max snickered.

“Me neither,” Yakko responded, still in the process of getting a grip on the situation. 

“I mean, I’m not complaining,” Max said, twirling pisghetti on his fork, “At least I’m not with a whole group of people I don’t know.”

“I feel ya. I swear most of the time at these things, Dot almost exclusively invites toons I’ve never seen and I’m a stranger in my own water tower!”

Max chuckled, and then they ate in silence for a few moments. “So, is this supposed to be, like, a  _ date _ ?”

Yakko nearly choked on his food. “You’d, uhhh, have to ask Dot,” he miraculously managed to spit out without having a heart attack.

“Oh, gotcha,” Max awkwardly laughed.

Yakko rapped his fingers on the table while scraping the bottom of his plate with his fork. “Hey guess what?” Max asked.

“What?”

“I started watching your old cartoons!”

“Oh god. Should I be embarrassed? Or do you want my autograph?”

“You were fucking  _ adorable _ . That countries song? With the little dance and the graduation cap?” Max snorted.

Yakko blushed with embarrassment but collected himself and retorted, “Yakko’s World is a masterpiece and a timeless classic.”

Max giggled. “Oh yes,  _ timeless.  _ Tell me more about how Germany is just now, very recently, back in one piece. And how Czechoslovakia still exists.”

Yakko smirked. He liked it when Max bantered with him, and he was finally able to enjoy a nice-ish meal with his good friend despite the weird undertones. All in all, it was a pleasant night and Yakko decided against scolding his siblings for pulling a stunt like this.

  
  


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**Notes:________________________________________________________________________________________________________________**

Thank you for reading this rather short chapter! Please leave me a comment and tell me what you think!

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


Ohohohoho motherfucker you thought it was over????? You thought I was gonna leave you with that short, bland ass little anticlimactic scene and you were just gonna leave this page disappointed and then go sift through the other fics in the Animaniacs tag? Guess again, bitch. 

  
  
  


***

“This was really nice, thank you for inviting me, Dot!” said Max as he reached for his coat.

“The pleasure’s all mine!” responded Dot.

As Max reached for the door, a loud clap of thunder roared and buckets of water started pouring from the sky. “Oof,” said Wakko, “You shouldn’t be goin’ out on a motorcycle in that kind of weather, and especially not in those fancy rental pants.”

“They’re not rentals,” Max denoted, “But you’re probably right.”

“Looks like you’ll be spending the night in the water tower!” Dot declared, trying unsuccessfully to hold back a gleeful snicker as she raised her brow at her older brother, who was not particularly amused by the gesture.

“Would that be okay?”

“Absolutely!” answered Dot.

“We love a slumber party!” added Wakko.

“Yaks? Is it cool with you?” 

“Oh, uhhh, y-yeah! Of course! Why wouldn’t it be?”

Wakko and Dot giggled quietly, whispering “ _ Yaks _ ” to each other. 

As the night went on, the Warners and their guest decided to settle down and watch a movie, ultimately landing on  _ Who Framed Roger Rabbit _ . The oldest Warner was unable to pay much attention to the movie, however, because Max had taken off his dress shirt and was lounging on the couch in his form-fitted undershirt, which Yakko found to be far more eye-catching than the colorful characters on the screen. When the movie ended, the toons decided that it was time to hit the hay. Max slept on the couch despite Wakko and Dot’s suggestion that he sleep in the ball pit with Yakko, which thoroughly embarrassed their older brother. 

Throughout the night, Yakko wasn’t able to sleep a wink. Between the craziness that unfolded throughout the day and the fact that his crush was sleeping 20 feet away from him, there was no way he was going to get any shuteye. He decided to get up and grab a glass of water to pass the time. On his way to the kitchen, he noticed a luminous glow on the couch-- Max scrolling through instagram. “You still awake?” Yakko asked.

Max looked up to meet Yakko’s gaze, his face illuminated by the phone screen. “Yeah. I can’t sleep through thunderstorms. It’s probably a dog toon thing.”

“I see. I was gonna get a glass of water, you want some too?”

“No thanks, but I’ll walk with you to the kitchen.”

As Yakko reached for the water pitcher in the fridge, Max lightly grabbed his shoulder to get his attention. “Actually, if this doesn’t sound completely insane, do you wanna finish off that bottle of wine?”

Yakko smirked. “That’s not insane, but did ya really think I’d turn down anything that was?”

He grabbed the wine and poured two glasses. The toons clinked before making their way back to the living room and taking a seat on the couch. Yakko glanced at the novelty cuckoo clock on the wall; 3:26 AM. “Tonight has been interesting,” said Max, taking a sip.

“Yes it has,” Yakko agreed.

As they drank from their glasses, Max slowly put his arm around Yakko and pulled him closer. Yakko rested his head on Max’s chest and deeply inhaled to fully relish the scent of his cologne. Max rested his chin on Yakko’s messy tuft of hair and gave his arm an affectionate squeeze. Yakko thought this must be the closest he’d ever get to heaven, considering St. Peter filed a restraining order against him. “Can I say something a little  _ zany _ ?” Yakko said, lifting his head and pulling away from Max’s embrace for a moment.

“Absolutely.”

“I’ve had to play the role of the protector and the guardian for so long. I’ve had to fight everyone from corporate executives to actual demons-- not that there’s much of a difference, but still-- and my main line of defense is the constant stream of words flowing out of my face in a funny order that makes people laugh.”

Max let out a small giggle. “See? Like that,” Yakko continued, “And silence has always made me uncomfortable. It’s empty. It’s like an iced coffee without the watermelon flavoring--”

“An iced coffee without the  _ what _ ?”

“Nevermind that; it’s a callback to a chapter you weren’t in-- what I’m  _ saying _ is that I don’t have any kind of control in silence and it always drives me nuts. But with you, it feels safe. I feel like I can put down my weapon. I can let my guard down when I’m with you,” Yakko took a beat before speaking again, “It’s a great feeling. And I’ve never felt it with anyone before.”

Max grinned and pulled Yakko back into his embrace. “Alright, my turn,” he said, “I’m an only child. My dad always did his best to provide for me and I was never really given any kind of burden of responsibility like Peej. And that’s really nice most of the time, but it can also feel kinda draining, y’know? Like I don’t want to be the injudicious Goof boy all the time. When you trust me, when you put your head against my chest and close your eyes because you trust mine to be open-- that’s a great feeling too.”

Yakko lifted his head and gave Max a soft smile, and somehow on the way got lost in his eyes. He started to feel that same emotion he felt on the dancefloor at the reception. He felt dizzy and head-spinny as Max slowly blinked and tilted his head. Yakko could feel his head tilt the other direction, almost subconsciously. As Yakko zeroed in on that silly smile and big cute nose, he found his hands tucked behind Max’s ears, imprinting his gloves on his dense fur. He closed his eyes slowly. Yakko knew what was about to happen as their faces inched closer and closer together, but he still couldn’t bring himself to believe it until their lips touched and locked together. Max pulled Yakko in closer by the small of his back and placed a hand on the back of his head, cradling his cartoony cheek between his forefinger and thumb. Yakko pulled away suddenly. “This is gay, right? Like we’re gay? We like each other in a gay way? This isn’t like a dude bro thing?”

Max laughed with a  _ hyuck!  _ “You’re the dumbest smartass I know. Yes, we kissed in a gay way,” he said gently, “Do you, uh, wanna do it again?”

“Do I ever!” Yakko enthused, pulling Max closer to him again and kissing him once more.

As Max adjusted Yakko to hold him in his lap, Yakko ran his hands through Max’s fur and realized that big cartoony smooches were nothing compared to real kisses. This kind of kiss wasn’t for a laugh or a gag; honestly, Yakko couldn’t determine what exactly it was for-- he just knew he wanted to kiss Max like this forever. Nevertheless, he abruptly pulled away once more. “Just to be clear, I’m not just being drunkenly affectionate. In fact, I’m barely even tipsy. I will continue to be this gay for you in the morning and for the forseeable future. Will that be okay?”

Max rolled his eyes and smirked. “Yaks, I’ve been wanting this to happen since the night I met you. How you missed all of my signals is beyond me-- I was starting to think you were straight.”

“Nope! Just a bi disaster!”

“I can tell. Kiss me again.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you thank you thank you for reading this chapter and I really hope you liked it! Please tell me what you think in the comments and give me suggestions if you got em!!! I only have a vague idea of where I'm going with this fic from this point on so suggestions are appreciated!!


	8. Boyfriend

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Yakko and Max talk about polo shirts and their feelings.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> FINALLY! I JUST GET TO WRITE MOSTLY CUTE FLUFF FOR A WHOLE CHAPTER!! 
> 
> Also, I'll probably start writing chapters about this length now, more or less. Unfortunately, I'm pretty exhausted from school starting to pick back up and I can't write as much and as often but I still plan on finishing this fic, just in shorter increments! I hope you like it!

Yakko eventually ended up on top of Max, his head cradled in the Disney toon’s hands as the slow rhythm of the rising and falling of his chest lulled him to sleep. Max’s chin rested on top of Yakko’s head, right in between his ears. They slept through the night snuggled up and cozy on the couch until they were awoken by the younger Warners throwing colorful plastic balls from Yakko’s ball pit at them from several feet away. When a red one bounced off of Yakko’s forehead, he arose with a sharp inhale. For a few seconds, he was confused about where he was, but when he felt Max’s hand shift on his back, he was cradled back into a state of tranquility. This tranquility was completely shattered, however, when he half-opened his eyes to see his siblings’ shit-eating grins.

Embarrassed, he tried to pull away from Max’s embrace and stand up from the couch, but since they were so tangled up in the blanket, they both ended up falling onto the metal water tower floor with a _thud!_ , causing Wakko and Dot to erupt with laughter. 

“Guess the dinner party was a success after all!” Dot enthused.

Yakko’s face was turning red, but Max didn’t seem to mind the giggling and teasing coming from Wakko and Dot. As they unraveled themselves from the blanket, Max realized that at some point during the night, he had spilled red wine all over his white undershirt. “I’d offer to lend you a jumper but I’ve only got two and one’s in the wash. You can borrow one of Yakko’s shirts, though!” suggested Wakko, “I’m sure he wouldn’t mind-- he sleeps with your hoodie!”

“Wakko can we please save the Embarrass-Your-Brother-In-Front-Of-The-Guy-He-Likes bit until after I’ve had some caffeine?”

“Ooh, I’m the  _ guy you like _ ?” smirked Max, playfully rustling Yakko’s hair.

“Keep it up, Disney bitch, I dare ya,” Yakko groggily bantered before stretching out his arms and letting out a yawn.

Max pulled Yakko closer to him and nuzzled his nose on the top of his head. “You’re so adorable when you make vague threats.”

“Oh my god, get a fucking room,” teased Dot, rolling her eyes.

“Do you wanna borrow one of my polos?” Yakko asked, turning his head upward to meet Max’s gaze, touching his nose to his, “Wakko’s right, I wouldn’t mind.”

Max smiled. “That would be great, thanks.”

As Wakko and Dot went off to the kitchen for breakfast, Yakko took Max to his wardrobe to pick out a shirt. “You can choose whichever one ya want; I got a lotta polos and I don’t care which one you pick. They might be a little small on you cause I have a short torso but you could definitely rock a cropped look. What are you, an autumn? To be honest, I can’t really tell, but Dot says that everyone has a season that tells them what colors look good on them. You’d look good in anything, though. I’m a winter, apparently, but I thi--”

Max abruptly cut Yakko off with a kiss, holding one hand against his head and the other on his waist as he gently dipped him down. As the kiss ended and Max placed Yakko back on his feet, Yakko let out a sigh. “Y’know, I think that’s my new favorite way of being told to shut the fuck up.”

“What? No! I wasn’t telling you to shut up-- I like listening to you ramble. It’s cute and it makes me want to kiss you. So I did.”

Yakko smirked. “Didja wanna kiss me that one time I yakked about the French showman Tarrare the whole day?”

“The way you got so excited and giggly when you told me about how he allegedly ate an entire baby made me swoon.”

“He didn’t  _ just  _ eat a baby, though! The guy ate entire feasts meant for twenty people in one sitting, live cats, farm animals, literal garbage, a whole eel without even chewing-- I mean Wakko does similar stuff but Tarrare wasn’t a toon; he ran on human physics so that’s really impressi--”

Max kissed Yakko again. 

As the boys rummaged through Yakko’s closet, one particular polo caught Max’s eye. “Is that Danny Devito?” he gasped in awe.

“Yes! Dot says I’m not allowed to wear it outside of the tower.”

“And you listen to her?”

“Hey, you’ve met her. You know what she’s capable of.”

“Good point. She never said  _ I’m  _ not allowed to wear it outside the house, though.”

Yakko took the Danny Devito print polo shirt off the rack and held it up against Max. “You’d look hot in this.”

He gave the shirt to Max and started to put back the rejected polos. When Yakko turned back around to Max, he saw him struggling to get the shirt on over his shoulders, as it was a few sizes smaller than what he usually wore. “You, uhhh, need a hand?” Yakko asked, unsure if it would be too forward to yank the polo down without consent.

“No, it’s oka--” Max was cut off by the sound of a seam ripping, “Y’know what? Some help would be great.”

Yakko yanked down on the bottom of the fabric, carefully and awkwardly maneuvering his hands to avoid touching Max’s chest. Finally, the shirt was on. It was too tight across the arms and Danny Devito’s face was distorted as the fabric stretched. Max couldn’t button any of the collar buttons and the hem of the polo was just over halfway down his torso. “Well it’s definitely a look,” Max said as he stood in front of the full-length mirror outside of the closet door.

“You make it work. No one else could rock a Danny Devito crop top like you. You are fine,” Yakko reassured.

“Fine as in “okay” or fine as in, like,  _ fine _ ?”

“Fine as in there are hearts floating all around me right now, see?” Yakko pointed to the cartoony pink and red hearts flying in the air over his head.

Max grabbed a few and blew them right back at Yakko’s face, making him blush and smile.

“Y’know, I really like this chapter so far,” Yakko said as he stood on his tip-toes and lightly tugged on Max’s ears to bring him down closer to his level.

Max grinned and placed his nose on top of Yakko’s. “I’m kinda surprised at you, Yaks.”

“Why’s that?”

“We were just rummaging around your wardrobe and you didn’t make  _ one  _ gay joke about being in the closet.”

Yakko giggled and pulled Max by the ears into another kiss before they walked hand in hand into the kitchen. Dot scrunched her nose in disgust as soon as she saw Max’s outfit. “Yakko why did you give him  _ that  _ one?”

“He wanted it. He thinks it’s a good shirt and he’s right,” Yakko explained as Max nodded in agreement.

Dot rolled her eyes. “Goddamn, you really are perfect for each other.”

Yakko looked through cupboards and the fridge to find something to eat. “Didn’t I just go to the grocery store, yesterday?” he asked.

“Dot and I ate all the cereal. And the eggs and the bread and every other staple item you can think of,” Wakko answered.

“Correction,” the youngest Warner clarified, “ _ Wakko  _ ate all the food.  _ I _ just had some toast and a cup of coffee.”

“Either way, you won’t find food in this household,” Wakko said with a nod.

“Why don’t you and Max just go out for breakfast?” Dot suggested, “You can have a cute little date and get some food and I don’t have to look at that god-awful shirt anymore. Win-win.”

Yakko looked at Max and shrugged his shoulders. “Sound good?” he asked him.

“I’m up for it. Is that little diner a few miles east of the lot okay?”

“I have no idea which way east is and I think it’s weird that you use cardinal directions in everyday speech, but sure! And can we take your bike? We can take my car but I kinda just wanna hold onto you and snuggle up with you and the bike is better for that.”

“Get the fuck out of here with that shit,” Dot groaned.

“Sure, we can take the bike!” Max enthused.

The boys grabbed their jackets and keys and headed out the water tower door, and Yakko reassured Wakko and Dot that he’d text them when they’re about to come home.

As they hopped up on the bike, Yakko wrapped his arms around Max and affectionately squeezed him tight. Max revved up the engine and the two took off to the little diner, a few miles east of the lot. 

When they parked, Yakko took a moment before hopping off the bike to just hold Max a little longer and rest his head against his leather jacket. Now that he knew his feelings for Max were reciprocated, he was going to let himself appreciate the little moments of physical contact more than he previously did. As they entered the diner, the shopkeeper bell on the door rang and they were greeted by the hostess, an older woman with a beehive hairdo and the voice of a heavy smoker, and they were seated at a booth in the middle of the mostly empty establishment. “Can I start you boys off with something to drink?” the hostess asked.

“Could I just get some water?” asked Max.

“Me too, and can I get mine with some lemon on the side?”

“Coming right up, dolls,” the hostess said unceremoniously as she shuffled to the kitchen. 

The toons picked up the menus on the table and skimmed through, deciding on their orders. When the hostess came back with their waters, Max ordered a vegetarian omelette and Yakko ordered a stack of smiley face pancakes. The hostess clearly thought Yakko was too old to be ordering off the kids’ section of the menu, but she didn’t protest. She shuffled off to the kitchen with their orders once again. 

“So,” Yakko began after the hostess was out of earshot, “We’ve been doing a lot of kissing, but I think we should do some talking too.”

“I agree. What do you want to talk about?”

Yakko rapped his fingers on the table. “I guess for starters, what exactly  _ are _ we?”

Max placed his elbow on the table and cradled his head in his hand. “What do you want to be?”

“Personally, I’d love to be the drummer from Coldplay-- I mean think about it-- he’s got all the money, accessibility, and status of a rockstar but he’s also got this insane amount of anonymity that just--”

“I want to be your boyfriend,” Max placed his hand on Yakko’s, ceasing his nervous rapping, “I’m sorry, I know it’s a little forward, but I-”

“I wanna be your boyfriend too,” Yakko interrupted, wearing an excited smirk on his face and placing his other hand on top of Max’s.

Max matched Yakko’s smile. “Well I guess that settles that.”

Suddenly, Max’s phone started buzzing in his pocket. “It’s my dad,” he said, “I have to take it.”

He answered, and Yakko could only hear his side of the conversation. “Hey Dad… Yes everything worked out fine… I’m with Yakko right now… Yes,  _ that _ Yakko… He’s good… We’re out for breakfast right now… Right after?… We actually rode together on my bike… Okay I’ll ask him,” Max covered the phone, “Hey Yaks, you wanna go over to our place after breakfast and help fix my dad’s lawnmower?”

“Sure, but I don’t know anything about fixing lawnmowers.”

“That’s okay, we don’t either. We’ll probably just fix it until it’s more broken.”

“Sounds good, I’m in!”

Max went back to talking to his dad, “He said yes…  _ Dad! _ … Okay we’ll be there around 11-ish… Alright… Love you too, Dad… See ya then.”

Max hung up and turned his attention back to his new boyfriend and placed his hand back on Yakko’s. “We’ve been dating for all of two minutes and I’m already meeting your dad,” Yakko teased.

“To be fair, we’ve basically been dating for months.”

“That doesn’t count, I didn’t know you liked guys until last night.”

“ _ Really? _ ”

“I mean, I had my  _ suspicions _ , but I didn’t know for sure.”

Max pulled out his jacket from behind his seat and pointed to the arm, which had a very large, noticeable bisexual pride flag patch. “Okay, so my attention to detail isn’t perfect,” Yakko argued.

“The first time we hung out I bought you ice cream and gave you my hoodie and held you in my arms for like half an hour.”

“I assumed it was a bro thing.”

“I remember explicitly telling you, “ _ I like guys. _ ””

“I thought you meant that you really appreciate your friends. The guys.”

Max let out an exasperated sigh. “You’re a disaster. Cute, but a disaster.”

“To be fair, you can drive, do math, and you have a good relationship with your father. How the hell was I supposed to know?”

“I mean, I listen to Lady Gaga. That’s gotta count for something.”

Yakko cocked his head to the side. “Can I ask you a question?”

“Go for it.”

“Does your dad know you’re not straight?”

“Yup. And he knows I have a hell of a crush on you.”

Yakko was flattered. “So I take it he’s pretty supportive?”

“When I came out to him, he decorated the house with rainbow flags for like, a month. And he made a triple layer cake with the bi pride colors and it only burned the house down a little bit.”

“I can’t wait to meet this guy.”

“You’ll love him. He’s a goof.”

“I wouldn’t expect anything less. Also, he knows you have a crush on me?”

“Yeah. I kinda couldn’t shut up about you to him after the wedding and I was really disappointed that I couldn’t find you to get your number. It was pretty lucky that I ran into your sister the day after. Not to be cheesy, but that’s kinda when it started to feel like fate.”

“I hate to break it to you, but I don’t exactly think it was fate. I’m 99% sure she had that meetup meticulously planned out. She loves meddling with my social life and for once, I’m actually glad she did.”

“I’m glad she did, too. And I think it’s really sweet that your siblings look out for you like that.”

“They’re a handful, but I love ’em to pieces.”

The hostess came back around with their food and the boys dug in and exchanged their hand-holding for footsies as they ate. Yakko insisted on paying the bill, and the two thanked and tipped the hostess before putting on their jackets and hopping on Max’s bike. “I hope your dad likes me,” Yakko said as he leaned in and wrapped his arms around Max, who was still adjusting his helmet.

“Trust me, he’ll love you.”

With that, the pair rode off into the horizon, eager to arrive at the Goof household. 

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading!! Leave me a comment to tell me what you think or give me suggestions and maybe leave some kudos if you feel so inclined-- I'd really appreciate it!! :-)


	9. Father of the Goof

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Yakko meets Max's dad.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello!!! This chapter and the next were originally going to be one chapter but I am a tired student and I really just wanted to publish what I have so far. It's mostly fluffy dialogue with a side of angst, but I promise the next chapter will have more Yax fluff! I hope you like it!

Hey sibs, Max and I are stopping by

his house to help his dad fix a 

lawnmower. Don’t commit any felonies

without me, kay?

“Are we gonna tell him that we’re a thing now?” Yakko asked Max as they took off their helmets in the Goofs’ driveway.

“Would you be comfortable with that?”

“I’m incredibly eager to parade you around and tell everyone I know, “This handsome son-of-a-gun is my  _ boyfriend _ ,” so yes, I’m comfortable with it.”

Flattered, Max planted a kiss on Yakko’s cheek as they made their way to the front door, arms swinging back and forth as they held hands. Before Max could find his keys, Goofy opened the door and greeted them. “Maxy m’boy!” he exclaimed, “And you must be Yakko! Boy, Maxy here has talked about you so much I feel like I know ya already!”

“ _ Dad! _ ”

“No, it’s okay, I like that I live rent free in your head,” Yakko slyly reassured his beau before turning to Goofy and shaking his hand, “And it’s a pleasure to meet ya, Mr. Goof! Thanks for having me over.” 

“The pleasure is mine, son! And please, just call me Goofy!” 

Yakko couldn’t quite place why, but something about Goofy calling him “son” made him happy. He had such a comforting and welcoming presence, if not a bit, well, goofy. Yakko could definitely see where Max got his friendly demeanor from.

Goofy extended an inviting arm into the house. “Well what’re ya still standin’ outside for? Come on in!” 

Yakko loved the interior of the Goof home. He quickly noticed the fridge, plastered with pictures and drawings and notes held up by magnets. He marveled at the framed photographs of Max and Goofy, all at different times and places, displayed tactlessly throughout the house. He knew he was going to love Goofy. “Hey, Dad,” Max said, “Yakko and I have something to tell you.”

“What’s that?”

Max turned to Yakko and nodded his head, inviting him to share the news. “Well ya see, uhhh, Maxy ’n’ me are kind of a  _ thing _ now,” Yakko told Goofy, sounding a bit more nervous than he expected himself to.

“A  _ thing _ ?”

“Yeah, a thing. Y’know, like an item?” Yakko clarified.

“I’m not sure I’m catchin’ yer drift, kiddo,” said Goofy with the signature  _ hyuck! _

“It’s sorta like, uhhh, when you like someone, but not like as in like, just like, it’s like,  _ like _ like-- and they like you in that way too-- and then you both figure out that you both like each other and you’re both like--”

“This is getting painful. Dad, Yakko is my boyfriend.”

Goofy’s jaw dropped into a big smile. “Well, why didn’cha just say so?! Congratulations! It’s been a long time comin’ if ya ask me; why, Maxy here just talks on and on all the time about how cute he thinks ya are!”

“ _ Dad!  _ Didn’t we already cover this?!” Max exclaimed with red cheeks.

“ _ Ah-hyuck!  _ Sorry, son. Say, would you boys like some joe? I was in the middle of brewin’ up a pot before ya got here!”

“Don’t we need to work on the lawnmower?” asked Max.

“The lawnmower can wait! I’d rather get to know yer new fella!” Goofy exclaimed, giving both toons a friendly slap on the back.

“Some coffee sounds great, Mr. Goof-- er-- Goofy!” 

Goofy poured three mugs of joe and sat down at the kitchen table with the boys. Max added a spoonful of sugar and a splash of milk to his, while Yakko took a vial out of his pocket that read “watermelon flavoring” and poured the contents into his. “So, Yakko,” Goofy started, “Max told me that you and your siblings live in that WB water tower?”

“That’s right!” answered Yakko, “Home sweet water tower!”

Goofy chuckled at Yakko’s old, unfunny joke, “How long’ve you kids been livin’ there?”

“Since the ’30s. It’s kind of our schtick, y’know. The zany kids who live in a tower,” Yakko said.

“Gawrsh, that long?!” Goofy exclaimed, “Why, back in the day, there was a silly little urban legend in our neck of the woods that the execs at the WB were keepin’ toons locked up in that tower fer not bein’ profitable!  _ Hyuck!  _ Funny how stories get all mixed up like that when they go down the grapevine.”

Yakko felt the blood drain from his face. He definitely was not anticipating mention of his childhood trauma with his boyfriend-of-45-minutes’ father when he woke up this morning. He scratched the back of his neck and awkwardly muttered, “Yeah, that’s actually, uhhh, not too far from the truth. Corporate didn’t like our cartoons and thought we were more trouble than what we were worth, so they kept us up there for a while. We’ve made a pretty nice home of it, though, if I do say so myself.”

“Wait, Yaks. The whole Newsreel thing wasn’t just a gimmick? That actually happened?”

“More or less. It’s all fine now, though. We get to live there for free!” Yakko forced a laugh but could feel his stomach turn as the Goofs looked at him with shock and pity.

“Gee, son, I’m so sorry I brought it up-- I didn’t know--”

“No, no! It’s okay! Really!” 

The sudden mention of his past mixed with Goofy referring to him as “son” created an interesting cocktail of emotions in Yakko which put a lump in his throat that was hard to talk around.

“Let’s maybe change the subj--”

“We were  _ kids _ , Goofy-- and they just tossed us in there all by ourselves for  _ sixty years. _ ”

Yakko quickly slammed his hand over his mouth. He could not believe what he had just said-- or that tears were streaming down his face _ fifteen minutes _ into meeting his boyfriend’s dad for the first time. The embarrassment he felt was astronomical. Max quickly reached out to hold Yakko’s shaking hands and rub his shoulder to console him while Goofy scooched his chair closer and patted him on the back. Yakko usually liked being the center of attention but  _ this  _ was  _ humiliating.  _ Even so, he couldn’t help himself from going on. “I had to look after my siblings at 14 and I had no idea what I was doing but I had to pretend that I was-- I was improvising the whole time. They hid behind me when they were scared but I was just as scared as them and there was no one for me to hide behind,” Yakko managed between sobs, ashamed at himself for the pity party he was throwing. 

He was surprised when Goofy suddenly gave him a hug. “Gawrsh, I know ya don’t know me too well yet, kiddo,” he began, “but I want ya to know that you can come to me if ya got a problem and need a grown-up toon. I know ya might think yer all grown up now and all that’s in the past, but yer still a kid toon to an ol’ dog like me.’Sides! Yer a short fella, so you could even hide behind me!  _ Hyuck! _ ”

Yakko smiled as Max wiped away his tears with a swipe of his thumb. “Thanks, Goofy. Sorry for all that-- I swear, I don’t usually get this emotional unless I’m watching the beginning of  _ Up _ .”

“You’ve got nothing to apologize for, Yaks,” Max said softly.

_ Ka-chick!  _ The boys heard the shuttering sound of an old-fashioned polaroid and saw a flash as Max kissed Yakko’s cheek. “ _ DAD!” _

“ _ Ah-hyuck! _ Just preservin’ the memory!” Goofy exclaimed as the camera printed out the picture.

Yakko giggled and let out a sniffle and looked around the room, focusing in on a photo on the wall of Goofy and Max that must have been taken a few years ago. Max noticed his boyfriend’s gaze. “That was our first time at Pride,” he said as he stood up from his chair, walking with Yakko over to the frame to get a better look. 

Yakko smirked at the picture. Goofy wore a rainbow shirt, tie, and top hat as well as a cape made from a pride flag, and Max stood beside him, wearing a bi pride pin and a plain red t-shirt Yakko had seen before, making a peace sign at the camera. “That was his outfit  _ after  _ I asked him to take it down a notch,” Max giggled.

“Still not nearly as gay as what you’re wearing right now, hot stuff,” Yakko teased, looking Max up and down in the Danny Devito crop polo.

“The picture’s developed!” Goofy exclaimed, rejoining the conversation and showing off the polaroid, “You kids are pretty cute! This one’s a keeper!”

The boys looked at the overexposed photograph. Yakko’s face was red and shiny from crying and Max’s eyes were awkwardly half-open. Danny Devito’s distorted face was very visible. They couldn’t help but laugh. 

Goofy tucked the photo away into his wallet and the three continued chatting over coffee. The ice was now thoroughly broken. 

***

“Gawrsh, I gotta be gettin’ to work!” Goofy exclaimed, looking at his watch and jumping out of his seat.

“Aw, we never got around to fixing the lawnmower!” said Max.

“That’s okay, son. We probably would’ve just broken it more!  _ Hyuck! _ ”

“Y’know, my sib is real good with doohickeys and whatchamacallits and gizmos and the like. He could probably take a look at it tomorrow and fix it up in no time, if ya want!”

“Aw, gee, Yakko, thank you! That sounds great. D’ya think he’d mind?”

“Not at all. I have an appointment tomorrow morning, though, so it would just be my sibs coming over. Is that okay?”

“Sure! Any sibling of my son’s boyfriend is a friend of mine! See you boys later! Toodles!” Goofy said as he left the house.

“Wait, Yaks, if Dot and Wakko are taking the station wagon, aren’t you gonna need a ride to your appointment?” asked Max.

Yakko smirked. “Are you offering?”

“I am. But if I’m gonna take you home today and then give you a ride to your appointment in the morning, I should probably just spend the night at the water tower, right? Y’know, to save gas. Better for the environment.”

He nodded solemnly in agreement. “I do care deeply about the wellbeing of our planet. I think it’s your duty as a citizen of earth to spend the night at my place.”

“What kind of appointment is anyway, if you don’t mind me asking?”

“Tattoo appointment. I’m tired of not having eyebrows so I’m getting them tatted on.”

“Get a unibrow.”

“Ooh, good idea. What color should I go for? I’m thinking a serene neon orange.”

“Okay, but really, where am I taking you tomorrow?”

“The psychiatry office on the lot. I have a weekly session there and the psychiatrist is the closest thing my sibs and I have ever had to a father figure.”

“Aww, that’s sweet. Can I meet him?”

“I’ll call him later and see if we can set up lunch or something.”

“Does he  _ know  _ about me?”

“I’d say you’ve taken up about 30% of our session time in the past few months.”

“Thanks, that feeds my hubris.”

“Don’t get too cocky, one time I spent an entire session discussing what color we were gonna paint the inside walls of the water tower.”

Max half-giggled and smiled sweetly at Yakko, leaning in for a quick kiss. “What was that for?” Yakko grinned.

“Nothing,” Max answered, stepping out of his seat at the table and taking his and Yakko’s empty mugs to the sink, “I just wanted to.”

Yakko got out of his seat as well. “Y’know, so far, I’m really enjoying being your boyfriend.”

“Glad to hear it. Make sure to give me five stars on Yelp.”

Yakko skipped over Max and leapt into his arms, giving him a big kiss on the nose before snuggling his head into the crook of his neck. “Hey, guess what?” Yakko asked.

“What?”

“I’m cold. Can you lend me a hoodie or a sweater or something but without the expectation that you’ll be getting it back?”

“Depends. Can I keep this polo?”

“You can keep it but I’ll most definitely be stealing it back at some point.”

“Deal.”

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! Let me know what you think in the comments or give me suggestions!! Have a great rest of your day/night and I'll publish the next chapter hopefully by Wednesday or Thursday!


	10. Your Ugly Dog Boy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A very short, fluffy chapter (this was originally supposed to be part of the previous chapter but I didn't finish it on time, oops!)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello! I hope you enjoy this quick lil chapter that has barely any plot but a whole lotta fluff!

The boys entered Max’s room, Yakko lying comfortably in his boyfriend’s arms. Max looked down at Yakko, who was somehow now dressed in a white wedding dress and full veil, and gave him a confused glance. “What? You were carrying me over the threshold, it felt appropriate,” Yakko defended himself.

Max smirked and rolled his eyes before haphazardly tossing Yakko onto his bed so he could open his closet door. “What, too soon?” Yakko grinned, adjusting his bridal veil. 

“No, I was just surprised you went with a halter style, you seem more like a sweetheart kinda guy.”

“Aww, pet names already, sugar? This relationship is moving so fast.”

“Yakko you’re wearing a wedding dress.”

Max rummaged through his wardrobe and found a sweatshirt, one of his old favorites. “This one’s not super warm, but that’s okay because I know you’re not actually cold,” he said as he slipped the garment over his boyfriend.

Yakko held the fabric up to his nose and took a deep breath before sighing with a smile. The sweatshirt was just as oversized as the hoodie Max gave him at the ice cream stand, but this one was long-sleeved. Yakko playfully smacked Max in the face with the excess fabric at the end of the too-long sleeves. “Y’know, Wakko might be onto something with this whole “sweater paw” thing. This is fantastic,” he exclaimed as he did it again.

Max quickly grabbed the fabric as Yakko attempted to smack him a third time. He tugged on the sleeves to pull Yakko closer so he could plant a kiss on his nose. Yakko giggled and wrapped his arms around Max. “Y’know, I’m still fake cold,” Yakko announced.

Max sat down on his bed and held out his arms to his boyfriend, who instantly accepted the gesture. “Thank you, this is much better,” said Yakko as he buried his face into the Danny Devito polo. 

Yakko lifted his head until the tip of his nose met Max’s. Max smiled and kissed him before flopping backwards onto the bed, one hand rustling the fur on Yakko’s head and the other tucked behind the small of his back. They exchanged kisses and giggles for a while until Yakko found a comfortable place against Max’s collar bone to rest his head as Max gently rubbed his back. It was barely afternoon but Yakko felt his eyelids getting heavy and his mind getting drowsy. 

He instantly jolted himself awake when he noticed something in the corner of Max’s bedroom. “What’s up?” Max asked with barely open eyes as he noticed Yakko lifting his head.

“You play guitar?”

“A little bit,” Max answered, removing his hand from Yakko’s back so he could lift himself up on his elbow. 

“Guys who play guitar are hot.”

“I know.”

“Will you play something for me?” Yakko asked, using the doe-eyed look Dot taught him how to make. 

Max rolled his eyes and smirked, placing his finger under Yakko’s chin. “For a kiss.”

“Really? Just a kiss? We were just making out like two minutes ago. You say it like I wouldn’t just kiss you anyway for the hell of it. You’re a terrible negotiator. You wouldn’t last five minutes on Pawn Stars.”

“I was trying to be suave.”

“I know. It was hilarious,” Yakko grabbed Max by his floppy ears and kissed him again.

Max affectionately shoved his boyfriend to the side so he could stand up and grab his guitar. When he returned to the bed, Yakko snuggled up beside him like they were reuniting after five years rather than five seconds. “What do you wanna hear?” asked Max, tuning up the instrument.

“Surprise me,” answered Yakko, leaning his head against Max’s upper arm.

“Alright,” said Max, strumming a chord before clearing his throat and beginning a familiar tune, “ _ United States, Canada, Mexico, Panama, Ha-- _ ”

“STOP!” Yakko yelled, muting the guitar with his hand and causing Max to erupt in  _ hyuck _ -filled laughter.

“What? It’s my favorite song!”

“Fuck you.”

“What? Like right now?” Max quipped.

“Oh my god,” Yakko smacked Max with his sweatshirt sleeves, “Get your mind outta the gutter, Goof! Y’know, I’d expect that kinda joke from my own kind but from a  _ Disney  _ toon? For  _ shame _ .”

“I picked it up from you, drama queen. You’re a bad influence. Now where were we?,” Max strummed his guitar once more, “ _ Haiti, Jamaica, Peru! Republic Dominican… _ ”

“CUT IT OUT!”

“ _ Cuba, Caribbean, Greenland, El Salvador, too…” _

“This is becoming homophobic. You’re homophobic.”

“ _ Puerto Rico, Columbia, Venezuela… _ ”

“You didn’t even roll the R. Fake fan.”

“ _ Honduras, Guyana, and still! Guatemala, Bolivia, then Argentina, and Ecuador! Chile! Brazil! Costa Rica, Belize, Nicaragua, Bermuda… _ ”

“I’m breaking up with you. Bitch.”

“ _ Bahamas, Tobago, San Juan! Paraguay, Uruguay, Surinam… _ ”

“Wait, did you actually memorize the whole thing?”

“ _ Then French Guiana, Barbados, and Guam! _ ”

“Okay that vibrato on ‘Guam’ was impressive and your singing voice is very pretty and I could listen to it all day but I’m still mad.”

_ “Norway and Sweden and something and something and Germany now in one piece! Switzerland blah blah blah Czechoslovakia I don’t know the rest of the words! _ ” Max stopped strumming.

“Bravo! You’re the worst!” Yakko said, smiling and clapping.

“Aw, shucks,” Max said, lowering his guitar and leaning in for another kiss, something that was quickly becoming a force of habit for him.

Yakko wrapped his arms around his shoulders with disregard for the guitar and returned the kiss. Suddenly, his phone buzzed and he answered the call. “Hey Dot, what’s up?”

“You didn’t answer our texts back so we assumed you died fixing your boyfriend’s dad’s lawnmower.”

“A logical conclusion.”

“We were gonna sell your Meryl Streep VHS collection if you didn’t pick up.”

“Very cool, sis. Is everything okay?”

“Yeah. I mean sorta. No. Wakko broke the toaster.”

“Again?”

“And the microwave.”

“What?”

“And the fridge.”

“Goddamnit, that’s the fourth time this month. What happened?”

“Bagel Bites.”

“Weapons of mass destruction with little chunks of pepperoni, the little fuckers.”

“I know. It’s all okay now, though. He just needs you to pick up some stuff on the way home for him to finish fixing it. Is that okay?”

“Sure, what’s he need?”

“A copper tube cutter, eyebrow tweezers, and another box of Bagel Bites.”

“Got it. Oh, speaking of fixing things, we didn’t get to repairing the lawnmower today and I told Max’s dad that you guys could come over tomorrow while I’m at my appointment with Scratchy so Wakko could take a look at it.”

“Oh, very cool of you to make plans for me, Mom.”

“Was there something you had to do tomorrow morning?”

“Look cute for instagram.”

“My dad used to be a photographer and our backyard has a lot of flowers,” Max told Yakko, butting into the conversation.

“Max says his dad used to be a photographer, he could probably take nice instagram pictures,” Yakko repeated back to his sister.

“Fine. But you owe me one.”

“Thanks a ton. I’ll get that stuff for Wakko and I’m really sorry I missed your texts.”

“It’s fine, I just wanted to make sure you were okay.”

“Aw, that’s sweet of you.”

“That’s all I needed to say, you can go back to making out with your ugly dog boy now.”

“I hate you.”

“Love you too, byeeeee!”

Dot hung up. “I’M UGLY DOG BOY, OH MY GOD!” Max went into a laughing fit and leaned onto Yakko.

Yakko turned red. “I’m so sorry. She doesn’t mean it, she just does that to tease me it has nothing to do w--”

“ _ Stop.  _ I think it’s funny. I like it. I like being your ugly dog boy.”

“You can be my  _ handsome _ dog boy.”

“No, see, it doesn’t have the same ring to it. I’m your ugly dog boy and you’re my silly rabbit,” Max said, looking up at Yakko as he rested his head and shoulders on his lap.

“Your right hand arm,” Yakko nodded, rustling the thick, shaggy fur on his boyfriend’s head, twirling a long tuft on his finger before booping his nose. 

Max sat up again. “Do you wanna go get that stuff for your sibling and head back to the tower now?” he asked, “It’s getting to be lunch time, we could surprise them and pick up food on the way home.”

“That’s a great idea, they’d love that!”

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading!!! I would super appreciate you telling me what you think in the comments and considering leaving me a kudo! Have a great rest of your day/night and I'll see ya next chapter!


	11. Clunkitahoopertoff

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I don't even know anymore y'all

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so sorry I haven't posted a new chapter in like a week and a half! I'm a burnout high schooler just doin' my best and hopefully I'll post more consistently after this next week since I have a break from school coming up! This chapter was supposed to be longer but I didn't wanna make you guys wait any more for a new chapter so it's pretty short and ends kinda suddenly but I'll have the next chapter up ASAP! Hope you guys enjoy!

After Max packed an overnight bag, the boys made their way out the door and hopped on the motorcycle, all set to go to the Target downtown. Yakko made a mental map in his head of the store and which departments they would need to visit in order to get Wakko what he needed. When they reached their destination, they walked hand and hand through the automatic doors and Yakko led the way to the cosmetics department to pick up some eyebrow tweezers. “Why exactly does Wakko need eyebrow tweezers to fix the refrigerator?” Max asked.

“He doesn’t need them to fix the  _ refrigerator _ , he needs them to fix the toaster, dumbass.”

“Ah, of course, how could I be so stupid?.”

“Y’know, you sure aren’t the brightest, but I like ya just the same,” Yakko said as he stood on his tiptoes to kiss his beau on the cheek.

“Hey, is PDA, like, okay for not-straight people such as ourselves?”

“Maxy dearest, we’re in Los Angeles, it’s fine. And you’re standing in the makeup section of a Target wearing a Danny Devito crop top, if someone is going to be homophobic, me kissing you on the cheek would not be the first reason.”

After Yakko found the tweezers and grabbed a pair to throw in the basket, they made their way to the home improvement department to find the copper tube cutter. On the way, Max pulled Yakko over to the furniture section. “They have one of those trampoline chairs!” he exclaimed in awe as he sprinted over to sit down in it. 

Yakko couldn’t help but smile at the sight of his six-foot-something boyfriend bouncing up and down in a chair obviously designed for children. “If you snap that in half, I’m not paying for it. We’re leaving this department and pretending that we know nothing.”

“It’s not gonna bre-”

It broke. The boys left the department and pretended that they knew nothing.

***

After gathering and paying for the remaining items on the list, the boys headed back to the motorcycle. “I can’t believe you wouldn’t let me shoplift,” huffed Yakko.

“Yaks, you can’t stuff a 72 count box of Bagel Bites down your pants and expect no one to notice.”

“You underestimate my skill. I’m stealthy.”

“Nobody is going to believe that you have a perfectly rectangular ass.”

“Everyone is perfectly fine with  _ Spongebob _ having a perfectly rectangular ass.”

“Yeah but you’re not Spongebob, babe.”

“Do you think Spongebob is hotter than me?”

“Oh my god.”

“So you think he’s hotter than me. Wow, I’m sorry I can’t be him.”

Max started giggling. “You  _ know  _ that’s not what I me--”

“I’m heartbroken. What does he have that I don’t?”

Max and Yakko answered in unison. “A rectangular ass.”

The boys erupted in laughter as they got to the motorcycle and placed their bags of non-stolen goods in the trunk. “Where do your siblings like to eat?” Max asked as he put on his helmet.

Yakko answered as they both climbed onto the motorcycle. “Wakko will eat anything but Dot is vegan so that narrows down our options.”

“She is? I’m pescitarian!”

“Wait really? I never would have guessed that you’re religious.”

“Pescitarian means I don’t eat meat except for fish.”

“Oh, well I guess you gotta make an exception for  _ Spongebob _ , huh?”

“You’re the worst.”

“I know,” Yakko wrapped his arms around Max and nuzzled his head into his back affectionately.

“I know a really good sushi place and they have a few vegan options. We could call it in now and then go pick it up.”

“That sounds great, but I’ve actually never had sushi so I wouldn’t know what to order.”

“You’ve never had sushi? What, have you been living under a rock?”

“A water tower, actually. But y’know who has been living under a rock? Spongebob’s best friend. Interesting that you should bring that up.”

Max rolled his eyes and smiled. “I can order for you guys if you want. I’ve tried everything on the menu, I know what’s good.”

Yakko agreed, and Max got out his phone to call the sushi place. Yakko didn’t hear what he ordered at all because he was too busy trying to tickle him so that he would giggle, dodging his hands playfully trying to shoo him away. “It’ll be ready by the time we get there,” Max announced as he hung up the phone and revved up the motorcycle.

***

The boys made it back to the water tower and opened the door to Dot and Wakko playing a card game in the middle of the living room. “We brought lunch!” Yakko announced, inciting the younger Warners’ ears to perk up. “Ooooh, what’d we get?” asked Wakko.

“Sushi,” answered Max.

Dot tilted her head, “Wait, is Max staying?”

“Is that okay?” asked the Goof, shooting a quizzical glance at all three Warners.

Dot shrugged, “Sure. But if you get handsy with Yakko in front of us we’re gonna have a real fuckin’ problem.”

“Woah, easy, Dot,” said Yakko, “You can’t make vague threats at my boyfriend. I don’t think our relationship is at that level yet.”

“ _ Boyfriend? _ ” Wakko and Dot teased in a unison sing-song tone.

“Boyfriend,” Yakko and Max answered in a similar unison.

“Congratulations!” declared Wakko, “Let’s play a celebratory round of Clunkitahoopertoff!”

“Clunkita-what?” asked Max.

“Clunkitahoopertoff!” answered Yakko, “It’s our favorite card game! You’ve never played?”

“Nope!”

“That’s okay, it’s really simple,” assured Dot, “You’ll catch on quick.”

Yakko and Max joined the younger Warners on the living room floor. Max handed out the sushi rolls as Wakko dealt cards.

“Okay, so how do you play?” asked the Disney toon as he looked through and sorted his hand.

“Okay, so when we start, each of us puts down a card. The one who has the card with the highest Hepburn score gets to be the Schnoop,” explained Wakko.

“What’s a Hepburn score? And the Schnoop?” 

Dot rolled her eyes. “We determine how much we think national treasure Audrey Hepburn would have liked each card, and the one she would have liked the most has the highest Hepburn score. The Schnoop gets Nietzsche privileges.”

“Nietzsche privileges?”

“You get to kill god,” Yakko says, “but only in the game.”

“Is that a good thing?”

“It’s morally gray, but you get points for being morally gray,” nods Wakko.

“Um, okay. So we just put down a card?”

Yakko rustles his boyfriend’s hair. “Exactly! I knew ya’d catch on quick, Maxy!” 

Each toon put down a card. As soon as the cards hit the table, chaos ensued. “Yes! Two of hearts! Audrey would have  _ loved  _ that!” cried Dot.

“I Cornflop the Schnoop! I have a three of diamonds and a yellow Connect-4 chip!” Wakko yelled as he threw a pie in Dot’s face.

“Connect-4 chips are allowed?”

“I overrule your Cornflop and offer the Schnoop a Yorrick!” Yakko said, throwing his cards at Dot like ninja stars.

“Guys, what?”

Dot grabbed one of the cards in the air. “A queen!” she gasps, “You know what that means!”

“Sword fight!” the Warners bellowed in unison, leaping up and swinging their swords through the air.

“ _ Guys. _ ”

“Max! Why aren’t you sword fighting?” asked Wakko.

“Don’t be stupid, Wakko, he’s playing the Snake-in-the-Holiday-Inn move,” answered Dot.

“Fuck!” Yakko cried out, falling to his knees, “I don’t have any more bullet points!”

“I kill god!” Dot declares, stabbing her sword into the floor and squeezing a tube of toothpaste around it.

Wakko slipped face-first into the toothpaste. “Winter green!”

“Team Blue wins!” yelled Yakko.

The Warners cheer.

“Who’s Team Blue?” asked Max, now more than a little scared.

The siblings laugh. “I can’t believe my boyfriend is a comedian--  _ “What’s Team Blue?” _ \-- You crack me up!” Yakko giggles as he pulls Max in for an embrace.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading!! If you feel so inclined, leave a comment and give me a suggestion or tell me what you think! I really appreciate feedback. Have a great rest of your night/day!


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